< PREVIOUS LETTER   ||   NEXT LETTER >
 

Dear Breakup Girl,

I am a 16-year-old junior in high school. Up until now, I haven't been interested in dating. Sure, I would see girls that were super-attractive, but I knew they were way out of my league. It's the "look but don't touch" clause in the basic high school contract. I guess you could say that I just hadn't found the right girl for me yet. But all that changed this year.

During my lunch period, I saw this very attractive girl whom I had never seen before. I know she has been going to the same school for as long as I have, but this was the first time I had ever seen her. As soon as I saw her, I knew she was the one for me. She isn't super popular; in fact, she's just about as unpopular as I am.

Here's the problem: since I am new to this whole dating concept, I have no clue how to approach her. The only thing I know about her is that her name is Sharon. I found that out from one of my friends in her English class. Every time I try to talk to her, I just chicken out. I'm sure she's totally approachable and all, it's just that I am a complete coward, and I lack the confidence to do this. So basically, I'm asking you, BG, to tell me what not to say and to help build up my confidence. I truly feel that she is "the one," and I don't want her to slip away. Some help would be greatly appreciated.

--Johnny

Dear Johnny,

First, I will tell you what not to say to yourself. It's the part where you say that she is "the one." That is such a tasty feeling, mi hijo, and I want you to savor it. (And I know it's magnified by the fact that she's the first one you've considered both touchable and touchable, if you know what I mean.) But I also want you to keep in mind that it will totally psyche you out. What, indeed, do you say to the person you've decided you want to spend your life with, only you've never actually spoken!? ("Hi, I'm Johnny. And you are ... the one?") No pressure!

One way to build up your confidence, therefore, is to lower her pedestal a few millimeters. So for right now, let's just pretend that she's the one ... whom you’re attracted to and curious about right now. That's all.

Another way is for BG to remind you that few people are not nervous about just walking up and talking to a stranger -- especially one that they LIKElike -- cold. You are not a coward; this is legitimately skeery!

So maybe -- without overdoing the advance work, which just inflates the occasion more -- you can do a teeny bit more sleuthing: any other mutual friends? Any other mutual interests? Maybe you can work it so that you can be in the same place at the same time, either with some kind of buffer (a third party who'll help break the ice) or background ("Did I see you coming out of Mrs. Snarkle's English class? How is she on the sonnets?"). Come up with a plan, practice in front of a mirror, leave little to chance.

Then, Johnny, make like Charlie. Who once said (something like), "You practice, and you practice, and you practice, and you practice. And then you forget all that sh*t and just whale." Because all this coaching and planning and rehearsing, it's about building confidence, not about what you'll actually say. (Which, when you are actually face-to-voice with The One, will be either exactly what you planned, or "Qwertyuiop, asdfghjkl.") I just want to get you there, Johnny, whatever it takes. You can do it. Bet you she'll thank me.

Love,
Breakup Girl

 
< PREVIOUS   ||   NEXT LETTER >