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Dear Breakup Girl,

There is this girl in my class who I want to go out with. We have common interests, but I can't seem to be able to ask the question. I want you to tell me what I should do, like act in what way, what to say, stuff like that. And if you're going to say "just act yourself" don't bother because I'm sure acting myself won't do a thing.

-- Steve

Dear Steve,

Oh, definitely don't be yourself. Do you think anyone is "themself" when they ask someone out? It's one of the most artificial made-up goofball things we do. I mean, what "ourself" would say is "I am totally hot for you and I dream of you all the time and you'd be crazy to go out with me since you are like czar of the universe but forget all that will you marry me?" What we really say is, "Would you like to go see 'Message in a Bottle?'" So what should your bad self do? Ask her an artificial made-up goofball question, like, "Would you like to [do that common interest we have together] this weekend?" Either with her or someone else, you will get to the point where "yourself" is just there, not even acting.

Love,
Breakup Girl

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