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Dear Breakup Girl,

It's been five years now since my last relationship. Now, don't get me wrong, I'm not whining about being single; in fact, I enjoy this time in my life (I'm 23) as I'm pretty much allowed to be totally selfish. In fact, I think I may enjoy being selfish too much. I'm now so used to seeing movies by myself and having the bed to myself, that the thought of some guy making me see a John Woo film rather than my preferred Nora Ephron flicks makes me cringe (or having to share the covers or not being able to leave eat in bed -- I don't mind the crumbs). I've been accused of being commitment-phobic, hard to communicate with, and controlling (all things usually used to describe men). In addition, many times when I do become interested in a guy, I lose interest as soon as the feelings are returned. I'm trying not to panic (I'm still young, for heaven's sake), but I sometimes suspect that this alone pattern is going to be hard to reverse. Should I be worried?

--Perplexed

Dear Perplexed,

Don't panic. First of all, enjoy the fact that you enjoy being single. Heck, you're already living the pep talk I give to the less fortunate. Which is an excellent prerequisite for not being single. And frankly -- fear not! — being "double" should involve and include plenty of vestigial "for myself" and "by myself" stuff in the first place.

Also, note that there is room for romance in your life, even if if only, at this time, on the big screen. Like, if you'd said "Hot-Headed God of Cops" embodied your personal ideal of love, then perhaps we’d have to orchestrate a more elaborate raid on your psyche. But (with the possible exception of "Silkwood" and "Heartburn") it's your stag dates with romance that you're so protective of. Fine.

Still, yes, Perplexed, do try and assure me -- and yourself -- that those covers are cozy, not some kind of fort, okay? Because when the time comes, yes, you will have to share. You will have to scoot over, you will have to let go. Cool thing is, you'll know when you meet the right Woo-er, 'cause he'll make you want to.

Love,
Breakup Girl

 
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