< PREVIOUS LETTER
 

SHOUTOUTS

To Angela from Cas:

If your guy is receiving e-mail from lusty wenches who want to hurl themselves into his arms, then he's doing something to solicit it! They are not coming out of the blue. If he really doesn't want to receive bawdy come-ons, he has ways of stopping it that he should have exercised a LOOOOOOONG time ago. I don't know about you, BG, but I've seen lots of net.things in my day, and this is one of them. Angela, step carefully.

To Jennifer from Janis:

First off, isn't it a little harsh (and odd to say the least) to describe a person as your "best friend" in one breath and then as a "hooker with her assets hanging out" in the next? I might say that about someone I couldn't stand, but not about a friend. It sounds to me as if you don't like this "friend" of yours all that much. And I wonder how much of your feelings about yourself are being influenced by the fact that you are apparently hanging around with someone you don't like much.

Second, if this other hooker-clothed person with her assets hanging out considers herself a friend of Jennifer's, there's an excellent chance that she more than notices if guys treat her great and walk over her friend to get to her -- and doesn't like it. Who would be attracted to a guy who just ignored your best friend? And if she doesn't mind at all, then what kind of friend is she? This is more than just McButt or McBeal. This "friendship" apparently has some serious problems of its own that go far deeper than whose thighs are fatter.

And from Andrea:

I used to be 5'3" and 110 pounds. I dressed as though I would take money for services, and I had some attention from men. All the guys I dated at that time treated me badly and really were only interested in sex and hurting me. Now I wear T-shirts and blue jeans. I weigh 120 pounds and talk to men like they are people. I have the best male friends who hang out with me and treat me with respect. I have an even better boyfriend who is willing to work with me to make our relationship the best I could imagine. The point that I am trying to make is that dressing like a hooker tells men that you have no respect for yourself. You might have male attention, but usually not the kind that you want. I think people will respect you for respecting yourself and that will bring the kind of men that you want. These men are concerned about who you are more than whether you wear a size five. The best way to get that is start exercising or doing something that makes you feel better about yourself. When you hang out with this girl, remember that the attention she is getting is exactly what you don't want.

To Confused from Mary:

You say you have had thoughts that he might be an alcoholic ... and that he did not respond well to said accusation. I think that is his main issue. Reading your letter was like deja vu. I dated an alcoholic who denied his addiction whenever I suggested it. He turned things around on me just like you said your fiance does. He lied and told me he had leukemia. (Yes, you read that right.) He told many lies and went to elaborate lengths to cover them. He wrecked my three-month-old brand new car. You deserve better, but I know there can be such a strong tug to be with him. Please go to an Al-Anon. He is bad news.

To Lisa from Acer:

Why do you think that you need to spend all of your free time with your boyfriend? How about a little space for both of you to pursue other interests, see your friends, and just generally chill? Unless you spend some quality time with yourselves, you won't have much to give each other. So, unless you start liking being with yourself as much as you like being with him, I think your relationship is in for some more big time stress, for both of you.

To Everyone from Cindy:

I wanted to share my story in hopes it well help someone in need. I was in a relationship for one and a half years until two months ago. I stayed true to myself and chose to walk! I am a single mom with a four-year-old son who became very attached to this man. He spent many days and nights with us and became very involved with our lives. I finally wanted to know what the future would hold for us, so, after two months of stressing out about the answer I would get, I asked! Well, the answer was, "I like things the way they are and never see myself getting married, etc..." Needless to say, I was shocked, hurt, and very angry. However, somewhere deep inside I was able to follow my instinct and that very night, I got up and walked away. I have not heard from this man since that night. It has been a rough road, but I have managed to move on, and I know there will be somebody fabulous out there who wants the same things that I do in life. Don't do what I did and wait so long to find out you and your partner don't want the same things! STAY TRUE TO YOURSELF!

To Everyone from Donna:

Another lesson for which to thank Bridget: Went to pick up my friend at her house Saturday night (right on time). Rang doorbell for ten minutes and no answer. Normally would assume she blew me off, but thought it might be possible that she was drying her hair. Waited another five minutes and sure enough, she came to the door declaring that she did not her the bell ring because the hair dryer was going. Would never have thought of this possibility were it not for Bridget.

To BG from Janis:

You are practically canonizing parents -- saying that They Love You More Than Life Itself; They Have Your Best Interests At Heart; They Only Want What's Best For You.

No they don't, not always. I'm fortunate; I had great parents. But I know a lot of people whose parents were mean, selfish, spiteful, abusive, and only interested in what sort of status their kids could give them: be a lawyer so my friends will envy me; how dare you be gay so my friends pity me; who do you think you are wanting to get a degree in something other than what I love.

These are not things that parents do because they love their kids. These are things that parents do because they are bad parents, BG. Parents can be selfish and vicious, too -- and you are cutting them way too much slack when they attempt not to wisely govern their kids lives, but rather, in many instances, to ruin them. It's time we started calling incompetent parents on the fact that no, the "We Only Want What's Best For You" argument is not a carte blanche for them to treat their kids however they damned well feel. Too many parents don't seem to want what's best for their kids, but themselves.

BG responds: Fair enough. But I do make a distinction between a general means of understanding and negotiating with parents and what's actually okay on a folks-by-folks basis. Plenty of parents throughout these columns have gotten in big trouble with this kid.

< PREVIOUS LETTER