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Dear Breakup Girl,

I'm recently single. I have a best friend whom I go out with all the time. She's 5'4" and about 100 pounds. Compared to her, I (5'2" and 160 pounds) look like an elephant. How can I make myself stand out to MEN without having to dress like she does (like a hooker with all of her assets hanging out)? Please help! I'm getting desperate!

--Jennifer

Dear Jennifer,

Well, your friend and her assets might stand out to men in a stereotypical, if not literal, way. But, though this may offer thin comfort, 5'4" and 100 is too skinny, anyway. She should follow the Breakup Girl diet (constant feedings of dainty amounts of yummy healthy food that you freely enjoy, especially because exercise works up an appetite). More to the point at hand, those of you who were at my penultimate live show will remember all the boy whoops I got when I quoted myself as saying "Men prefer McButt to McBeal."

Much more important, though, while she -- to whatever degree -- is standing out, you're standing back. You're self-conscious, you're silently (I hope) desperate, you're convincing yourself that only your tube top -- if anything -- would turn heads. That -- not the measurements you cite -- is what puts you in danger of fading into the woodwork.

And the amount of rah-rah Be Yourself! spirit-plumping that I can squeeze into a size 2 letter is not gonna change that decisively, no matter how well you know how you "should" feel. So I'd say for now, hang with that friend in other places, for other purposes. Take the pressure off. Think about how you met Previous Boy, and do that again and often. Make yourself available on your own, on the Internet -- somewhere where no one, yourself included, covers up your true assets.

Love,
Breakup Girl

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