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Predicament of the Week
In which Breakup Girl addresses the situation that has, this week, brought her the most (a) amusement, (b) relief that it is happening to someone else, and/or (c) proof that she could not possibly be making this stuff up.

Dear Breakup Girl,

I met a guy online back in June on Swoon.com. He seemed relatively normal, and we dated for a month until I discovered that he was a complete egomaniac. I then dumped his sorry ass. Unfortunately, given the enormity of his ego, he couldn't handle it at all and has since HIJACKED (no joke, he cracked it) the Swoon website: he has access to everyone's real e-mail address; he can manipulate anyone's ad, delete it, etc., etc. Not only that, he posts about 30 ads a day (both posing as a man seeking a woman and as a woman seeking a man because he doesn't want me to post my own ad-and is trying to buffer any posting of mine with a million other chicas so that my chances of getting a response are basically zero). He's on Yahoo personals (both as a man and a woman), The Jewish Week, Oursquare, One and Only, etc., etc. You name it. He's everywhere. A nightmare to Internet dating is what he is. What do we do? I don't feel like I want to sacrifice my social life for this loser, yet I'm worried about turning him in to Swoon. I don't trust the guy; he's a pathological liar. Any ideas?

--C.

Dear C.,

Internet personals users: do not panic! Look, it's the Internet. I am a big fan of using it for initial connections and open communities, of course. But it's the Internet. You never really know in the first place if the person you're corresponding with is an FBI agent, a spurned and bitter hacker, a spaniel, or someone you've already dated. Even with any kind of personals, heck, they say "outdoorsy," they mean "I sleep in a tent in my parents' back yard;" they say "Antonio Banderas," they mean "Assassin." You never know. This is why I always suggest that -- while one should hesistate to cross such boundaries such as state lines, statutory laws, and marriage vows -- you should try to take these things IRL ASAP.

As for your role in this situation, C., either

1) Ex Luthor is pathologically-lying about this whole thing to begin with, or

2) you do not have time to worry about someone with that much free time.

Or both.

In any case, C., with all due respect, I'm not entirely convinced that this is entirely about you. Whats-his-username wants to hijack your social life, there are lots of other less creative/more streamlined ways to do it. And this little outburst is probably one in a dump-of-the-month series. So I doubt you'll be sacrificing your social life if you (a) report him, and, more to the point, (b) get on with it.

Love,
Breakup Girl

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