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Dear Breakup Girl,

I was seeing this girl, Melanie, for about two months. She was the first serious girlfriend I've had. (I'm 17). I loved being with her, but one night when we went out to the pubs with my friends, she was being too clingy. I didn't say anything, but it was bothering me the whole night. Anyway, we went to her house at 11:00PM, and I wanted to cuddle and stuff (not sex, not yet), but she was saying, "I'm tired I want to go to bed." I asked if I should leave, and she said, "Sorry, I'm just tired." I got a little angry (not abusive); it just put me in a bad mood! I said,"I'm gonna waste my money now for a taxi that I could have used to go home!" So the taxi came, and I went home. The next day, I rang her up and said it wasn't working out and ended our relationship. She said okay!?

Next week, everyone at work found out that I slept with this girl, Nicola. (Melanie, Nicola, and I all work at McDonalds part-time.) It happened two months before when I had only been going out with Mel for three days. I went on holiday with Nicola and four other friends! So I had to ring Melanie when I got home so she wouldn't find out from others at work! She was heartbroken, even though I wasn't going out with her. She was crying, and I felt so guilty that I wanted to cry as well (if only she knew...). I apologized in every way possible and regretted the whole damn thing. She wouldn't have any of it. (Dare say I don't blame her.) Now I suddenly realized I wanted her back; I cared so much about her; I needed her.

Later on that night (the day I told her the news), I went to karaoke where everyone goes on Wednesday night after McDonalds. I felt disgusted with myself. There were Melanie and all of her friends staring at me. I felt so small; I wanted to get out of there. I stuck it out, though I nearly cried again. (No one knows this; they think I'm strong, but I'm not.) GOD, I HATE MYSELF! Two weeks later, we went for a talk. It felt good. I enjoyed it so much; I can't express it in words. I think I'm in love with her!? We then went to the cinema, and I asked her out again! She said,"YES!" God, I was soo happy. Next, we went shopping in Manchester. WOW. I felt on top of the whole world!

The next Wednesday (karaoke night), she sat next to her friends, and there was no room for me at the table. I was sitting next to some others in the corner. I ended up being separated from Melanie for about one hour! Anyway, I ended up sitting next this nice girl (also from McDonalds) named Laura. I was chatting to her but kept seeing Melanie and one of her close friends looking at me funny. I thought they thought I was flirting with Laura. I WASN'T. We have been friends for about a year. Ten minutes later, Melanie's friend came over to our table and said, "Jonathan can I have a talk?" I said okay and went outside. There and then, I got shouted at and told off for everything from sleeping with Nicola to flirting with Laura to being with this girl from three years ago. Mel's friend had a go at me for ten minutes. I thought this had been sorted out, but NOOOO! We went back inside, and I gave Melanie a funny look and told Laura what had happened. She was furious, and I asked Melanie to come over. She said that she had no idea that her friend was going to do that and that she wasn't impressed. Man, it felt terrible like someone had stabbed me in the back because it was all going so well before that night! Melanie then said, "I can't help it. Every time I look at you, I see Nicola." My heart dropped to my feet! I said, "Okay, then it's over!" How I regret those words; how I want to take them back!

Anyway, she tells my friend that she doesn't like me like that anymore, but, deep down inside me, I hope she does. I found out a couple of days ago that she likes this guy from college, Chris! He went to her house last night for a little party because her parents went out! I wasn't invited, of course, but we are still talking, and I still like her loads. She thinks I like her friend, Toria! I DON'T! I LOVE HER, I THINK. I HONESTLY THINK I LOVE MELANIE! Ohh God...how I want to tell her, but she says it's over for good; I asked her! But I'm always thinking about her! Please help!

--Jonathan

Dear Jonathan,

Do not despair. Good omens for peace and harmony abound here.

First: Karaoke. I say it's up there with polio vaccines and Post-its as one of the great inventions of the millennium. One of BG's favorite neighborhood haunts was, until recently, the divine dive The Roost Pub, which featured karaoke on Fridays. I am telling you, when there was karaoke at The Roost, there was no war. Ironic twentysomethings tackling tacky ballads; Middling crooners of "The Rose;" grrls leaping spontaneously into choreographed choruses of "Like a Prayer;" straight men finding their inner Boy George; old guys taking Sinatra really seriously; people singing that damn Cher song again, badly, and getting cheered anyway: where else could we have all come together in such joy? Oh, the love in the room. Wella wella wella uh! We can all get along. They bring one of those machines to Camp David, and I am telling you, treaties will get signed. ("It's a small world, after all" ... everybody!")

Not to mention: you do it at McDonald's. Japanese, Scottish -- we are indeed a global village.

So, kiddo, where do you begin to make lasting peace? I know it sounds like Melanie's at the "just turn around now; you're not welcome any more" stage, but I'd say you've got one song slip left in the pile. Tell her -- one more time -- how you truly feel. Tell her you were just lip-synching to some shame song the last time you said "it's over." Ask her for one more chance. And give her time to mull it over. She says yes, act the way you feel for her (i.e. no Nicolas). She says no, act the way you feel (really, really bad) in the privacy of your home. Get it out of your system (your stereo system, ideally; they've got songs for this kind of thing) so that you do your bestest not to bring your girlfriend issues to the golden arches. I know your fly girls are, like, the fry guys, but trytrytry to stay above it all.

But either way, Jonathan, I think that in the future you've to take a deep breath and try to think before you belt. Guilty feet have got no rhythm; you're tripping all over yourself. Don't take it out on someone else when you (a) don't get your way, or (b) get busted. Don't let the evil grrrl chorus push you around. Slow and steady, kiddo; have faith-uh-faith-uh-faith-UH. Someday, you will get to sing the guy part of "Endless Love."

Love,
Breakup Girl

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