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Dear Breakup Girl,

This is a tag-team effort: Two friends, two different boys, same problem.

So we're these two rockin' girls, 90's women. We work, have hobbies, friends, and full-lives, but we have a problem; we have no relating skills. We're not shy, just shy around boys, especially ones we like.

We each have a boy that we really like (and I mean years and years of liking on both our parts).

Brief background: Girl one has known said object of desire (O.O.D) for more than two years. They live in the same neighborhood and say a few words when they bump into each other on the street. So, she knows him but wants to know him better and has felt this way since they first met. He doesn't have a girlfriend as far as we know and is pretty shy and quiet. Girl one thinks he is really cute.

Girl two has known her said O.O.D for more than six years and has been diggin' him in a BAD way from the first time she laid eyes on him. They are friends and hang out in the same group of close friends almost every weekend. But, he has a girlfriend (very long-term thing) and is a little shy and aloof around the ladies. Girl two knows she should not think he is very, very cute, but she can't help it.

We need your help; we are unable to express to these boys, or any boys, how we feel about them. We hear stories of girls flirting with the boys they like, asking them out, telling them they like them, and we are filled with awe. We have a lot of friends who are boys, but no boyfriends.

We've liked these two boys for a long time, more so than any other boys we've met since. Girl one has a workable situation; girl two knows hers is probably futile. However, whether we ever date them or not, we just want them to know how amazing we think they are, 'cause we know that it'll make them happy, and it'll make us feel way better.

How? We need some baby-steps, 'cause there is no way we can just sit them down and tell them unless much liquor is involved, and that is not the way things should have to be.

--Laverne and Shirley

Dear Laverne and Shirley,

Yes, you -- well, one of you -- can totally do this without Shotz.

First of all, of course you're shy around boys you like. That's how you know you like them.

What next? Well, contrary to best-selling belief, boys cannot always be counted on to pipe up when they like you. So there's your general green light on at least taking those baby steps. You have friend-boys already, which is great practice; consider inviting more-thans to small parties? To double-dates with non-PDA-dependent couples? Just ask. You don't have to preface it with any "I'm gonna make your dreams come true" proclamation.

That's for OOD1 and the people who love him. As for OOD2: sorry, but no. No poaching. Pursuing a taken-boy is worse than a sitcom waiting to happen; it will not resolve itself in 30 minutes; the pratfalls will be real. Instead, take home this PBS lesson: if you are shy with the guys, it's handy to crush on someone unavailable, isn't it? Nothing to do! So Girl two, you should try and hang out with that group of friends every ... other weekend.

So take those schlemiel/schlemazzle steps, you two: make plans and invitations both platonic and a bit hopped-up (also see The Flirtation Continuum, in MB's letter). You are two rockin' girls; you will both find your Carmine.

Love,
Breakup Girl

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