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Dear Breakup Girl,

I wish I were writing about a relationship problem, but instead, I'm writing because I don't have one. It seems that almost everyone I know is in a relationship but me. Each week, I read about all of these people with relationship problems, and I don't have any. I know I should consider myself lucky because I know all of the advantages of being single (bed to myself, independence, no one to report to, all my $$ and time are mine etc.), but I'm not content. I still long to be with someone.

I live in Atlanta, so there's definitely not a lack of women. But, I'm shy, and I find it hard to meet women in bars, clubs, stores, or wherever I might be. Occasionally, I'll get the nerve to talk to a woman, but usually I just give into shyness/nervousness. I know I'm not ugly, but I'm no Brad Pitt by any stretch. I'm 27, white, and in decent shape. I wish I were taller; I'm only 5'6" and think that hurts me a lot with women. Seems women like taller guys. I've also been kind of secluded because my band is in the studio recording a CD. I know that once it's done and we're out there playing, I'll have chances to meet women, but now I'm lonely. I also know that there's plenty of things I can do to meet women (like join a club or get involved in a social activity). But my music takes a lot of my time. I don't want to rush anything or look desperate; that's not attractive. I just wonder if I'll ever meet anyone and have a good relationship like my parents. They've been married 31 years. Any advice or perspective you could lend would be great.

--Jam

Dear Jam,

You (like E, above) are correct that some women, um, wait for height. But you've got quite a few extra inches that others don't: a musical instrument. 'Cause if you play Rock 'n' Roll/Paper/Scissors, Axe beats Feet. I am telling you, Mister Peachtree: unprecedented babe magnetude awaits.

Real-life example: a friend of BG's used to date The Guitar Player. Who was teeny. Probably smaller than you. And positively peeling women off after shows. I'm not saying you'll want to date every groupette, but I am saying that your ego -- the one that'll boost your confidence with gal of choice -- will surely reverb.

Still, you're lonely now, I know. But surely you won't be in the studio forever? Maybe what you can do for this relatively brief meantime is decide to Uncle your commitment to meeting your muse. Meaning what? Well, parents have to care-and-feed their kid every single day. Uncles, you know, show up on the weekend with a brand new bike. So during this intense time, perhaps, you gotta Father the CD, but Uncle the dating. If you make that deliberate decision, maybe you won't feel so locked-in-a-booth lonely.

As long as you promise me one thing. To continue with the family imagery, may I remind you of my letter to Shady, in which I told the tale of Breakup Mom's routine visit to a doctor when I was 13 (1980). Turned out Doc wasn't quite convinced that she was getting enough rest or taking kind enough care of Numero Uno. Mom dismissed the concern, saying, "Well, I'm sure it's just because my daughter's bat mitzvah is coming up." The doctor raised an eybrow. "Mrs. Breakup," he said wisely, "there's always a bat mitzvah."

Meaning what? That there's always some intervening concern, some source of overscheduling, some advice column written at 9 PM on a still-warm weeknight, that can conveniently explain away why we haven't quite joined the gym or spent more quality time with our families or ... had a spare second to find the person we want to spend the rest of our lives with. So I repeat this to you not necessarily as a booking recommendation for your band, but as a source of perspective: "There's always a bat mitzvah."

So Jam? Promise that your Uncle status will be truly temporary, and I promise you you'll find someone with whom to grow to a ripe old "Turn that noise DOWN!" age with.

Love,
Breakup Girl

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