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Dear Breakup Girl,

Remember how I was cute, funny, and vaguely intelligent in my last letter? Well, I found a boy...sort of in the way the Europeans "found" America; i.e. hey neat, but, uh, somebody was already there. Normally, I would have just taken my little flag and gone home, but this guy was different, or he didn't play fair, or both.

It was one of those things where you meet and everything stops, and you know you should remember this moment because this is going to be important. And you both look at each other and think, "Well, its you. Finally." And there's the sunset, waiting, ready to be ridden off into, but he can't. He doesn't want to hurt his friend (with the crush on me) or his girlfriend, and he should probably just go home and feed his dog and not risk it. But then he's back, tomorrow. Until sunset.

We met about 8 months ago and kept running into each other. I ended up getting a job where he works, and we were immediate friends -- to an extent. He never wanted to spend too much time with me, because his close friend had a thing for me. (I even dated the friend a couple of times; it was No Good. At all.) I told him that was a lame excuse for avoiding me, and he suddenly realized that that was a tiny tip of the Big Iceberg of Heartbreak, i.e. he noticed the whole "destiny"/whatever thing, too, and there was a lot (and a lot of people's feelings) at stake. We had "the talk," where we laid everything out on the table. I pretended I was much more insightful and cool about it than I really was. (I managed to hide the big freaky mess of "Wha?") We started spending time together (always in public or supervised, so as not to up the tension even more). All this was while his friend was out of town for a few weeks. Now, the friend is back, and the boy is gone.

Moment of lucidity! He is a big loser, playing me like a game. This is his distraction, but my life!

But, but, he's peachy, and I know that without all the other factors, he'd be very mine. Anyway, there is also the girlfriend thing, which he will not discuss with me. While on the outside that seems to be a noble thing to do, it's actually totally crappy. I am not able to see their relationship as valid (I have no reason to), and he can't reconcile his little fantasy life with me with his real life, so in his mind, he can do whatever he wants with me, and it doesn't really count. But, I know they were having problems recently, and...

Moment of lucidity! Oh my God, am I an idiot?

It's not going to happen, he will stay with her until she (if she) leaves him, and I'll be long gone by then. He's a big wuss who is terrified of making decisions or risking anything, and that's probably why he's a 32 year old waiter. And too old for me, anyway.

It's past. I hate that. I can look back and read those little gems of clarity as many times as I want, but it doesn't matter, I'm still deluded. But wait, he is a very sweet, kind, smart (blah, blah, insert list of perfect attributes here: ________) guy. We like to talk, I feel good around him, and he makes my toes dance. He's not a big, bad villain at all. He just can't seem to leave me alone, but then at the end of the day, that's exactly what I am. Alone. What is wrong with me? Pooh. Enuff of this, too.

--Enuff Already

Dear Enuff,

You're still -- insert list of perfect attributes here -- cute, funny, and distinctly intelligent. What's wrong with you? Nada. You're gaga for a guy you can't have (right now), so you're sending search parties to find that exotic treasure: reasons not to be gaga for him. And all the while, the toes, they dance. I know. Still, remember, it's your prerogative to tiptoe around him if/when it hurts too much. See, I agree with you that he's no big bad smallpoxic colonist, but it is true that the easier it is for him to see you, the easier it is for him not to figure out what he wants. So keep exploring -- and waving your own bright flag wherever you are.

Love,
Breakup Girl

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