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Dear Breakup Girl,

This is just crazy. I am cute, smart, funny, and outgoing. I have my own apartment with air-conditioning, cable, AND HBO. Shouldn't I be somebody's dream girl? This is nuts...I am CRAZY popular with all the girls, gay men, and very-attached men that I meet--whom I love for the great friends they all are. But single men? A hush falls over the crowd. Don't get me wrong--I don't run around telling people how awesome I am. I guess this letter so far sounds like the obvious answer is gross narcissism, but I promise I don't like myself THAT much; I'm just trying to explain my problem. The couple of guys that I have dated in the past few months have either been a little too obsessive a little too quickly ("I had fun on that first date...you know I can't sleep because I'm thinking about you, and you know...touching you..." Ew, skeevy!), or guys who would have been perfect if they hadn't been total negative-vibe mongers who trampled my heart and self esteem. ("Wow, I...uh...really like you a lot...but, I am actually in love with the 16-year-old that I talk to daily online...but I will call you to talk about this...really...just wait...I'll call....") So with all my gay guy friends asking to be my "boyfriend" ("Cause, girl, you look good! Like me!"), what pheromone am I gettin' wrong here? I don't want to be one of those women who gives sermons on how if you want a boyfriend there is something wrong with your self-image and drives cars with bumperstickers that say "The more people I meet, the more I like my cat!" Help.

Oh, and should I just ask out that struggling actor at work who is 15 years my senior (pushin' 40), but makes me laugh my pants off?

--Enuff Already

Dear Enuff,

You remind me of my fave rave "What do you do with the meantime?" , whom I told that -- as long as she made sure to hang out on the Flirtation Continuum -- she was already doing everything right/all she can. And same goes for you: this may or may not come across as excellent news, but I'm not convinced you're "gettin'" anything wrong. Soldier on, sistah; and spin sly rueful yarns about the lost battles. 'Cause girl, you look good! Like the rest of us wondering what gives!

Love,
Breakup Girl

PS: About the actor: the only real problem is the work thing, and/or perhaps the risk that he will use you for your A/C. Follow my rules here, and see where they get you. If he makes you laugh, funny girl, that's an excellent start. Or at least a point on the Continuum.

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