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Dear Breakup Girl,

I've followed your (quite effective, apparently) web page for quite awhile now, but I've never needed to ask advice. Until (as you might've guessed) now. You will be asked to answer several questions after reading the passage below. All three questions count equally. THERE ARE NO WRONG ANSWERS.

Recently I ended a yearlong relationship with someone I still feel very close to. Sound odd? Well, there are details to be given.

When this relationship began, I made it clear that if we wanted to be serious, I'd only be comfortable if it was an exclusive relationship. No double-standard, of course: I'd only be seeing her, and she'd only be seeing me. Her reply was that I was worth it. I'd heard from several of her friends that this was a first for her. About two months in, she confirmed it, but claimed that she was leaving her wild days behind.

Sex was good until about four months ago. At that point, she stopped initiating sex and started going out with "friends" for long periods of time, returning after midnight in the early weeks, and eventually not even coming home for days at a time. Can you see where this is going? I'd like to believe I did, but I really didn't want to accept it. I asked her once in a while if she was seeing anyone else, but she'd always say no. And when "friends" came to pick her up for another night out, she'd claim they were just going to get dinner or get high. (Warning buzzer sounded, but I didn't listen.)

I began to distance myself from her (bad boy!), and filled the days with work and projects I'd put off until the summer. I wanted to open up to her about my suspicions, but as I had no hard evidence that anything was going on, I didn't. I still asked if she was seeing someone else, but she always replied in the negative.

In the end, it took an acquaintance of hers to give me proof of something happening. I received an excerpt from a conversation (probably over the Internet, from the looks of it) that my girlfriend had with her. In it, my gf revealed that she thought she was pregnant, since her period was late. But she hadn't told me because there were at least three people who could've been the father, according to her. (Since we'd always used condoms, this hit me kinda hard.) Apparently, there were at least three people she was seeing: one who knew about the other two, another who knew about just me and him, and another who seemed clueless. (That's me, I think.)

I broke things off immediately. Even then, when I asked, she denied everything. I wish I could've given her the full text of her conversation to see her reaction, but I didn't want to involve myself in a conflict between her and her friend. No need to make this spread like wildfire.

I still feel affection for her. But I also feel betrayed. I trusted her, to some extent. And I'm sure the other guy who doesn't know everything trusts her, as well. Hence, the questions:

1) Although this is after the fact, was it a good decision, in your opinion, to break things off?

2) How do I reconcile these feelings of affection and betrayal? It's a nasty conflict of emotion.

3) Was I wrong in waiting for confirmation of all this before acting? (i.e., Were those signs enough to act on?)

EXTRA CREDIT: Does this sound like a bad soap opera? I swear, I live in a musical or something...

--Too Trusting

Dear Too Trusting,

Eeuw. Sorry.

1) If you trust your friend, then yes.

2) You don't. Sure it's nasty, but the betrayal wouldn't smart if the affection weren't there in the first place.

3) Here's where you were asking the wrong questions. You are saying ARE YOU CHEATING ARE YOU CHEATING ARE YOU CHEATING? She is saying NO NO NO. Getting nowhere. In the meantime, regardless, what else is going on? She's being Bad Girlfriend. You didn't need a YES in order to call her on that.

EXTRA CREDIT: Soap? Sure. Musical? Nah, living in a musical would be worse.

Love,
Breakup Girl

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