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Dear Breakup Girl,

Well, since last I wrote you, I determined that seeing my ex-ex would be a bad idea, considering he never really treated me very well and managed to be emotionally and physically unavailable on a regular basis. (Strange how logic hits you at times, isn't it?)

So, now I am really with my sweet friend-boy, who's now made the jump to boyfriend, which has made us both pretty happy. He's happy because he's monogamy personified, and I'm happy because I hate ambiguity in relationships.

So, what's the problem? Well, he's still long-distance (he's in Oregon; I'm in California), and I'm well aware of that. I'm also well aware that he's serious and committed to waiting six months for us to be together on a daily basis and that I'm mature and responsible enough to do it (although I still feel ambivalent about moving, since although it would be a better job and a good boyfriend, I'd be leaving my very good friends and my family).

I am anxious about this.

Yes, I've had a recent history of emotionally unavailable men. And yes, he is very emotionally available. We make each other cry because we're so sappy with each other! We write each other heartfelt letters and e-mail and then call each other teary-eyed...and God, Breakup Girl, I'll kick myself repeatedly if I screw this up. (Yes, we relate very well in person. No pressure to make it "great;" we enjoy each other's company happily in whatever way we can. This is a revelation to me!)

And I keep thinking I'm well on my way to sabotaging this. I keep telling myself, "Eh, he's not that great. He's not (whatever quality emotionally-unavailable ex had) like my ex."

We watched "Much Ado About Nothing" at an outdoor Shakespearean Festival snuggled together, and it was great, but I kept having those thoughts and this inner dialogue saying, "Stop it! Just stop trying to sabotage it!"

Blech, you know, I'll probably get over this. I've only had two real months to digest this, and I've never said this before about any guy I've dated, but I could marry him. Right now. He's that good. He's that much of a truly decent, sweet caring person, and we understand and enjoy each other's company.

Oh, and it's not like he's not a hottie, either. Women stare at him in airports and on the street. He's very sweet, kind, and has the body of an Adonis. And smarts...the boy has quotes Shakespeare and understands organic chemistry.

So, I should shut up, drink some peppermint tea, count my blessings and be happy, right? Right. I think I'm just scared witless that this could all happen because it's never happened before.

--Bewitched and Bewildered Barbara

Dear BBB,

He sounds great. You sound fine. All this is Much Ado about Something You Figure Out for Yourself in Your Last Sentence. You may not be able to stop worrying, but at least quit worrying that you're worrying. Tea might help.

Love,
Breakup Girl

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