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SHOUTOUTS

To Josh from Loyal Silicon Valley Reader Girl:

Whew! I was starting to think that the Silicon Valley male surplus was composed completely of technogeek duds, but it seems I was wrong. Hang in there, fella, and maybe I'll see you out there sometime. (BG was correct--it is a rather winning personal ad.)

To Libby from John:

With an income near seven figures, you are unusually successful. You are looking for a man who is also unusually successful, whether financially or educationally or whatever. However, unusually successful men don't limit themselves to dating unusually successful women. They date women who are attractive, caring, supportive, nurturing, etc., without regard to their level of professional accomplishment. So by choosing to pursue only the set of unusually successful males (USMs), which isn't that large to begin with, and factoring in that the USMs are not factoring in professional success in making their dating choices, it is easy to see why, as attractive as you may be, you are having trouble finding a mate.

So what I'd suggest is this: Take the level of professional and financial success off the table, both yours and the guy's. Simply don't mention it when you're dating. Limit yourself to phrases like "I do okay." What you should be looking for is a guy who is attractive, tender, caring, nurturing, and happy with what he does.

To Mary from Aforementioned John:

Move near your sweetie, but don't move in with him. Find a place you can sublet for six months or something. One thing at a time works much better than everything at once.

To Ready to Ring from Blissful in Paris:

You are so NOT alone in your feelings. Last summer I saw an ex of mine. We had been broken up for SIX YEARS! I was over him (or so I thought), living in Paris, and having a grand old time, when out of the blue he showed up at my apartment in Paris with two friends. When we were dating, he said he never really had a desire to travel, so I was wondering what got him to hop on a plane and fly five thousand miles. That first night they were with me we had a great time. We stayed up talking until three in the morning. The following evening, the four of us went to dinner, and Paul and I were in our own little world (at his instigation, every time I tried to include the other two friends, Paul would direct the conversation to our shared history). By the time we got back to my place after a nightcap at a local pub, we were both feeling really great and we got all snuggly and were holding hands, and I was so totally head over heels all over again. I'm thinking, "I can't believe we are back together again!"

The following night, we have a LONG talk about what went wrong with our relationship the first time, and I'm apologizing up, down and sideways. (I was a total bitch when last we were dating.) I tell him that I love him. (His biggest complaint when we dated before was that I didn't love him because I never said the words.) He tells me that everyone else pales in comparison to me, and that he dumped this girl a few months back because she couldn't compare to me and what and how felt about me.

So I'm the happiest girl in the world. We are in Paris together, walking along the river Seine, and holding hands; it's better than old times. Fast forward to a week after he leaves. I'm planning the logistics of when we can see each other again, and I get a phone call from a mutual friend who tells me that she heard about what happened in Paris and she's sorry to be the one to tell me this but Paul has a girlfriend! Fast forward to a month later. They are ENGAGED!

The butthead married her this past May. I was totally heart broken because this time I really, truly exposed EVERY SINGLE PART of me to him. The complaints he had about me the first time, I debunked them all! I said the words out loud. I gave him my heart to hold in the palm of his hand, and he took it and rolled a mack truck over it six times! I hurt more this time than I did six years ago.

But you know what? I'm a wonderful person with a lot of love to give. I'm a better person now than I was seven years ago. And while a part of me will always care about him, I don't NEED him anymore. My current boyfriend adores me, and I'm a happy person all the way around. I've learned from my mistakes and, while I wish it hadn't taken me SEVEN years of not dating and of always thinking about Paul, I'm OKAY now. So, hang in there Ready to Ring. Things will get better for you, eventually you won't have a desire to call him, and you will be a better person from the whole experience!

To Stealthy from Hazel:

Stealthy my dear, I'm a girl who's been in almost exactly that situation, just on her end. I gotta tell you something you don't want to hear: I don't think she LIKElikes you. See, if you're on the phone with your best friend who you just think is the cat's pajamas, who you love talking to more than anyone, and he says "I love you," what are you gonna do, huh? Say, "Oh, why best friend, I platonically love you as well!" No. She says, "I love you too." So you think, "Oh, wow! She wants me!" Newsflash: love doesn't always equal want.

So, my dear Stealthy, ouch, ouch, ouch. Rough spot. I know. (Really, I KNOW.) But the best you can do is get over her. Oh, and about girl #2: PLEASE don't go out with her; I know it looks like fun, but your best friend will feel replaced, and there will be something missing in the relationship. Have patience. And as impossible as it may sound (see Lesley, Libby, etc.), look for someone who you will love for all the right reasons who loves you back. Good luck.

To Bongo from Juliebulie:

I am wondering if your attitude (perhaps a bit condescending) towards women and/or "hot chicks" might be turning them off? Unless you're Richie Cunningham, at the age of 28 you should be searching for women, not girls!

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