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| August 30, 1999 CONTINUED |
e-mail to a friend in need
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NEXT LETTER > Dear Breakup Girl, I met a guy in October of last year, and we started an e-mail long distance relationship across the state which was quite intense, however virtual. We talked three to four times a day and connected on everything! We've started to see each other on a regular basis (flying back and forth twice a month) for the last 8-9 months. We are totally in love but have a serious logistics problem. I have a great job here; he has a great job there. I said I would look for work there because if we are going to get married (which we have talked about a bunch), I would rather see him stable in his job so that I could do freelance work from home eventually and raise our family. Here's the problem: I need a good job there in order to make the initial move before I start to set up my freelance business. The only company worth a damn in his town happens to be the one he works for. Because of my career and talents (Internet web designer/graphic artist), I need decent artistic stimulation or I'll freak. So I applied to his company, and they love my work. The only problem is that he works there, too. We'd not only be going from a long distance thing to living together and working together--but there's also the matter of his coworkers, etc. I think the reason I have not heard from his company is the reason I cited above; they are wary as well. I personally think it would be fine, but no one can predict the future, right? I am not sure what I should do: look for jobs elsewhere (maybe in a closer city but still with a LD relationship of sorts) or go for it anyway and see what happens? I can't say enough how in love we are and how we WANT so desperately for all of this to work out, but it's a hard decision. Any advice? -- Mary
I know a guy who lives and works with his fiancee. Says he: "We never see each other." So let's look at this from a professional standpoint. Arguably, preexisting office romance is less fraught than "when should we/how should we/what should we/where should we" water-cooler beginnings. Don't go around guessing: bring this up -- directly but discreetly -- with your potential employers. Ask them what, if any, are their concerns. What's their office culture? What precedent is there for this kind of thing; how was it handled? In other words: what -- and this is your unspoken subtext, of course -- can you do to show them how professional, forthright, and responsible you are in the first place? Now back to the personal. Nah, by the way, don't bother with the Less-Distant Relationship. What's the point? Either do it, or don't. Unlike the folks who write me balancing their laptops on busrides, all their belongings in the baggage bay, riding to meet cyberticketouttahere@darkalley.com, you two sound serious, adult, and reasonable about this whole venture. That said, please do not underestimate how nutty it's going to feel to adjust from an LDR to an ... R. I mean, those folks I mentioned who never see each other live in NYC. This means that while their apartment is the size of a baggage bay -- nay, perhaps because their apartment is the size of a baggage bay -- they are never there. But in your case, it sounds like you might be fixin' to move to, if you will, a one-husband town. If so, please please please find a way to pursue your own friends and interests. You need decent outside stimulation, or we'll all freak. No one besides Breakup Mom can predict the future, but with/because of your career and talents, you do have a strong hand in designing it. Love, < PREVIOUS LETTER || NEXT LETTER > |
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