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Dear Breakup Girl,

Help! I seem to have painted myself in a corner and I would really love any advice or insight you might have to offer. Here goes...I have been divorced for 2 years from my ex and we have a young child together. About 4 months ago after no contact or child support from him in 6 months, desperate for some help with my son and financially, I called him. Of course, I would not normally do something like this, but in a moment of weakness I told my ex that I still loved him and that I would try to work things out. Unfortunately, this is not true. I love my ex as a person. He is brilliant, interesting and an all around great guy but I am not in love with him and sex is the biggest act I have ever put on. To put it simply, I did this to bide time and get the financial help I needed. I know that I acted dishonestly and I have used my ex. I have paid for every night I lay awake feeling the guilt and remorse. My ex is extremely in love with me and is a great father to our child, but I cannot live a lie and I want to make the situation right. Our child is very young and we will have to get along to some degree over the next decade in order to provide her with a healthy environment. My question is this: How do I come clean to my ex without (1) totally devastating and angering him and (2) ruining any chance of effective communication as parents. I want my ex to be very active in our child's upbringing, but I just can't live a lie. Help!

-- A

Dear A,

The part where you did the sex act to bide time and hoard cash, let's keep that between you and me and the thousands of people reading this. Instead, paint that corner white, if you know what I mean, and tell him that you tried, but you just don't have this do-over in you. I am not saying you can do this without (1), but it may be your only hope of avoiding (2). I am also not saying this to save your butt; I'm saying it to spare your ex from getting between -- like, caught in the crossfire of -- you and your conscience.

Love,
Breakup Girl

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