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Dear Breakup Girl,

I must be the dumbest girl on the face of this earth. I've been married for more than 4 years to this good-looking, faithful, responsible guy, S. We married after about 18 months of courtship. I had had a few relationships with some other losers prior to meeting him and I guess he provided me with a refreshing change. Four months after our marriage, I took up a job offer which took up most of my evenings and weekends. Things started to get rough. Sex was almost non-existent (like once in 2/3 months). And this was during the first year of marriage! I thought this was supposed to be the best time -- the honeymoon period.

So anyway, I got close to this colleague of mine, A. He was an old friend, plus being an ex-college mate of my husband's. Since we were putting in long hours together, it was inevitable that things started to heat up between us. Eventually, we started having an illicit relationship. We weren't having sex or anything, and I didn't think we ever would. Well....of course, after six months or so, we did. This was in late 1995, still during the first year found himself a new girlfriend. Needless to say, I was devastated and I missed him so much.

Our separation lasted for about 3 months, after which he came back to me, telling me how much he loves me and that he cannot live without me. By this time, I already knew that I really had fallen for him big time. He fulfilled me in a way that my husband never could. And I knew that it was going to be difficult life without him being around. OK, the real problem is that now he has a new girlfriend. And this time it seems for real. We have tried breaking off 3 times the past 1 month, but we kept on coming back to each other. I've listened to my friends' advice. Forget about this two-timing slimeball (OK, so I'm a two-timer myself) and work out things between my husband and me. I know the answer should be clear -- I should try to work things out -- but I'm afraid my feelings towards my husband have waned somewhat. I don't feel that spark anymore (haven't felt it for years) and I feel as if I'm wasting his and my time by staying together. What is your advice on this? Even if it's the same as my friends', I would still want to know, because it's different coming from an objective party. Please help, Breakup Girl.

-- Lynda

Dear Lynda,

It's the same as your friends'. Combined with your own: where you might want to put the "out' in the "work things out."

Love,
Breakup Girl

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