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Dear Breakup Girl,

I'm way, way lost.

First off I'm fourteen and a girl. This whole relationship thing is really confusing me. I've had a hellish time dealing with my sexuality. About a year and a half ago, I realized that I wasn't straight. And I spent all that time trying to label myself and being confused and hating it. In all that time I had teensy little crushes on almost ten girls and a slight attraction to one guy. This year, I met a guy who, for some reason, fell in love with me. I didn't know what to make of it, but nothing ever happened between us, except for a bit of hand holding and that sort of thing. Now here's the icky part: whenever we were doing handhold-y things, I felt kind of nauseated. And now I find myself feeling that way any time I think about doing like, anything physical. Even *coughcybersexcough* makes me feel that way, regardless of the gender. I'm so confused. Is it a fear of commitment thing or WHAT? What's going on? How can I find out? Can you point me in a better direction? I've looked up les/bi/gay resources online and found essentially nothing of use. I would enormously appreciate any help you can offer.

-- Baffled

Dear Baffled,

Some tummy-soothing words from our very own Belleruth.

"The most obvious possibility, Baffled, is that for some reason, you're over-pushing the sexual/romance thing, and you're simply not ready for it -- with either gender -- and thus the nausea , which is more likely to be anxiety than repulsion.

So my first question would be: why do you think you are driving this thing so hard? I'd encourage you to seek counseling with a very cool person who works with younger adolescents and isn't freaked by the gender stuff enough to insist that you're straight when maybe you're not. Or, otherwise, to -- to the best of your ability -- try and give it a rest. You may not be able to fathom your sexual orientation yet -- few folks have a lock on it at that age to begin with. Just know that this IS a confusing time for a confusing thing."

It's so normal not to feel normal about this stuff, Miz B. Lots of people detach their emotions from their bodies and do stuff they really didn't feel like doing. Better to have your body tell you you're still sorting stuff out, and to listen.

Love,
BR and BG

PS Or maybe find some community here?

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