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Dear Breakup Girl,

Four months ago I met my best friend. He's a guy and he's gay...or so he thinks. After we had become better friends, he told me that he started to have strong feelings for me, in other words...he was attracted to me. I didn't want a relationship with him because I didn't feel the same way, but after a while I started to feel lost without him. I realized that I actually did feel something for him as well, and one day after school we kissed. It made our feelings grow stronger for each other and from then on we became more physical. On my birthday, he told me that he was thinking about having a relationship with me and I didn't really say much probably because I was scared. But then it hit me that I really wanted to be involved with him because we did have a good relationship. So I brought it up again and he totally changed his mind on me. He said that a relationship with me is not what he needed and that what we did was strictly based on hormones. I could tell that the whole thing was scaring him and I knew that there was something more between us. I decided to forget about it because it would only cause me more pain, but then one day he told me that he really did want me and that we should go out. I was so happy and jumped at the chance to be with my best friend so I said yes. He seemed into it at first, but it didn't really feel any different than when we were just friends. This bothered me because I feel a relationship is supposed to be more than just acting like best friends one minute and being physical the next. Well then he started to talk about guys more and more which made me upset because I felt that I wasn't good enough for him anymore. He told me that we should take a break and that he doesn't only think about me all the time. Now I miss him more than ever and he wants it the way we were before when we would just hook up. But how can he be gay if he's attracted to me?? I just don't understand him and I need some help to sort his feelings out!

-- Very Confused

Dear Very Confused,

I'll bet you're very confused! Or, perhaps more to the point, he's very very very confused -- about his sexuality, about how and when and whether feelings of intense emotional closeness should translate into physical closeness, about how you're not really s'posed to take back birthday gifts. But there's one thing you're not confused about, sweepea, and that's your definition of relationship, or at least of what one isn't ("...more than just acting like best friends..."). Which is great. I recommend that you step back -- as opposed to into the supply closet after school -- and let this boy do the sorting on his own for the next little while. I'm not saying you can never be his bud, but you do deserve someone who feels and acts like he's more than, every minute.

Love,
Breakup Girl

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