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Dear Breakup Girl,

I find it really hard to meet new people. I'm very shy in initial or casual meetings (don't talk much, find it hard to make eye-contact, etc.) The problem is that people often take this as disinterest or aloofness on my part when in fact I really would like to get to know them. I do start to warm up and relax after becoming comfortable with someone -- it's just the first step that is my stumbling block. Help!

-- Boo Boo

Dear Boo Boo,

A few observations.

1. See the people who feel most alone are not. Look at all of them here; look at all of them here. And look at Sara. (More tips and thoughts for you in all these places.)

2. My friend's mom would prepare for dates WITH HER FUTURE HUSBAND by reading Reader's Digest and the newspaper and pre-formulating conversation-starters in her head. This is a smart,with-it lady, mind you; she was just warming up, so that she didn't have to start the thinking/talking process from scratch when she got to the soda shop. I suggest you try something similar. Practice makes prattle.

3. You really would like to get to know them, you say. This is more key than you realize. If you give someone a chance to talk about themselves -- a couple quick little questions is often more than enough to get them going -- they will think YOU are really interesting. Which I'm sure you are, all by yourself. But maybe this vibe coming from them will also help with the warmup.

4. Oh, but if you do the Readers' Digest thing, don't use the jokes.

Love,
Breakup Girl

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