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Dear Breakup Girl,

I fell in love with an older man in about July last year. I never told him about it, or even dropped hints about it, but at the end of last year, he left our workplace (as a result of a very disagreeable, nasty collegue). I thought I would be ok, that it was only a crush that would be over in 5 minutes. But, I was absolutely devastated when he announced his departure. I let him know it and we never really got to talk to him about it. Still, I thought I could cope after he left. But 4 months later, my heart still aches for him. I have written him letters explaining how I feel, but he has not made any effort to contact me. Yesterday, I sat outside his house and waited for 2 hours, just hoping to catch a glimpse of him, but I had no success.

How do you get a feeling to disappear ? He is killing me. I see his face on every man and I even quote things he has taught me. I keep a photo of him in my bag and I sleep with a photo of him. He has grown into an obsession and I can't get him outta my mind. I know that it is impossible for us to have a relationship, but how do I stop loving him ?

-- Donna

Dear Donna,

This is going to sound circular (and easy for me to say), but the way to stop loving him is to get rid of those photos. I mean, he's in your bag and your bed and you wonder why you can't get him out of your mind?

Then look around. What is not going on inside your house (literally, metaphorically, go to town) such that sitting outside his for two hours seems like an interesting thing to do? How's your job, your social (never mind love-) life? How's your hope of ever glimpsing love -- not a hardcore secret one-way crush? Sleep with a photo of your life, Donna. One that you've started to retouch for real.

Love,
Breakup Girl

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