< PREVIOUS LETTER   ||   NEXT LETTER >
 

Dear Breakup Girl,

My boyfriend has a pager. He really has a thing about calling people back and people calling him back when he pages them. So if you ever page him you can rest assured he will call you right back. We were watching T.V last week at his house when he got a page at 11:?? He checked it and ignored it. He just plainly said it's to late to be calling me it was probably nothing important anyway. So I just left it alone and didn't ask who it was. The second time it happend we were at my house watching T.V. and it went off. He checked it and ignored it. So this time I asked, Oh who was that? Nobody, he said. The he got another page like and hour or so after. He checked it, and ignored it. Then I said is that the same person? He said yes. So I said well why don't you call them back? He said I don't want to right now! Then I said Oh OK I was just wondering. Then we continued to watch T.V.

So all the signs have been posted and I GET IT! Some girl is paging him and he doesn't want me to know about it. My question is... Should I wait until this happens again to confront him? Or should I just wait until were sitting and watching T.V. and just blurt it out? I've noticed that guys have a big problem with being accused of something even when there wrong. I know it will probably go all weird on me but I can't let him walk all over me if he's really up to something. What should I say?

-- Jazz

Dear Jazz,

Brava on your willpower. Most women on Melrose would have snuck and gotten the number, called it, and then there would have been some sort of fight in a pool. But yeah, I guess you should say something. Problem is -- and you're sort of on to this -- what you say and what he says are, in large part, unrelated. In other words, you could be as reasonable and unaccusing as possible -- which is what I recommend -- and he could still simply issue more terse denials or, yes, go all weird. So in a sense, this is less about getting to the truth and more about what you're going to do about it, either way. Meaning, well, I guess you could say something like what you told me at the outset, as in: "Beeper Boy, you are known for being The Man when it comes to callling folks right back. Maybe I'm reading too much into this, but maybe you can see how I'd think it would be a bit strange for you to not return those calls. Can I trust you to tell me something's up the same way I can trust you to call me right back?" Even if he says no, if he does have something to hide, it's likely that guilt will start beeping in his brain. Check his behavior. Not for signs of suspicion, per se, but for signs of being a good attentive communicative boyfriend in the first place. You're no dummy; you can tell. If he doesn't return that call, it might be time to say "14"* to someone else.

Love,
Breakup Girl

* hint: pager upside down

< PREVIOUS LETTER   ||   NEXT LETTER >