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Dear Breakup Girl,

I am a 20 year old male College student and I have a question. I don't want to this to be taken in the wrong way, I'm not sexist in anyway shape or form and all of my friends -- men or women -- tell me frequently that I am one of the nicest, most sincere guys they know. Anyway, here goes: Why is it that 99.9% of the female population is nothing but a bunch of scandalous b-t--es at heart until the age of at least 25? I know this is a bold statement, but you know what of all the woman I have ever told this to amazingly enough none have disagreed or tried to argue with me about this statement in anyway ever (amazing). It's like they all know it deep down inside or something. I know many nice guys that are close friends ranging from the ages of 18-32 and they all have painful experiences with women between the ages of 18-24, whether it be them cheating on them, treating them like crap, leaving them for the next best thing in a heart beat and occasionally coming back to deal more pain to my friends, basically they are all scandalous at heart and really seem to have no concept of what REAL love is, But most of my friends sincerely do and that is why they get hurt. It seems like women at these ages have less of an idea of what real love is, and what real relationships are about than Men do. It seems like younger woman in this age category have deep down this kind of selfish attitude toward relationships and love at these ages kinda like "What can I get out of or benefit from this relationship?" not "What can I give or add to this relationship to make it grow?" "What can this person do to make me and only me happy?" not "What can I do to make them happy and in doing so make me happy?" Basically a "me, me, me and only me" attitude toward men. My friends are not at all like this and are in general the ones that are a lot more mature about there relationships deep down. Have there been any scientific studies on women and men and relationships at these ages that would further back this generalization or perhaps discredit it? It is no doubt a powerful statement, and any criticism or thoughts that it sparks in you would be welcome. Like I said before I am the furthest from being sexist or from being a "typical male pig" that you could possibly be. Please try to help all of us nice geniune and loving men understand why young women do the scandalous things they do at these ages to men.

-- Hurtis

Dear Hurtis,

That's not a bold statement at all. It's very, very safe.

I can't speak for the women who didn't argue with you about it. Maybe, yes, they began thinking guiltily about the time they did something rotten, thus dissolving their gumption to fight back. Or maybe they deemed the assertion "99.9% of women under 25 are scandalous bitches" unworthy of rebuttal, as they did not want to be late for whatever they were doing in the relationship they were currently giving/adding to.

As for my own specific rebuttal -- and you may consider this evidence as part of an unscientific study -- I will simply say this: you may see from many of the letters I print here that there are in fact quite a few young women with a "men, men, men, men" attitude toward men.

Other than that, Hurtis, I am sure you and your friends are as sincere and kind as you say. I am sure you all have had painful experiences that you didn't deserve. That sucks. Truly. And yeah, women do crappy things. That is, humans do crappy things. Men and women often do crappy things in different gender flavors, yes (and there have been plenty of good studies on that, none by Dr. John Gray). But what happens is this: You and your friends seem to be, by and large, straight. Straight men. Meaning that you date women. Meaning that you blame Women -- regardless of whether particular women are at fault -- when bad things happen to good boys. It'sx And vice-versa: I could just replace all the gender-flavored words in your letter and get an facsimile of piles of letters I get from straight women (in which case I leap to defend men in the same way). In y'all's case, it's not that women as a gender are at fault; it's that women as a gender are ... there. Which is why your statement is safe. As in: "It's not me ... it's women." As in: phew.

Which is also why your statement is dangerous. If you and your peers want to date some nice genuine loving women sometime in the next five years, I suggest that you find the courage to discredit your own 0.1% hypothesis.

Love,
Breakup Girl

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