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Dear Breakup Girl,

HELP!! I love my boyfriend very much, and I know that he loves me just as much. My parents can't stand him and told me to stay away from him. The reason they don't like him is because he did hurt me before, but that is all in the past. I told my mother that were just friends, of course that was a lie! I had to, or I couldn't see him!

The other day, I went out with a bunch of my friends, and my wonderful boyfriend was there! We were walking around town, and we decided to ditch the group and be by ourselves. We were sitting by the river when my mom came up behind us, and freaked out!! She was very rude to him, and pulled me away calling me a whore. Now she's made it so that we CANNOT have any contact with each other, so we were forced to break up. We still love each other very much, if not more than before, but it's just to hard to sneak around right now.

I cannot sleep that well, I have to force myself to eat and I swear all I can do is cry. I have tried talking to my mom, I told her that I would just be depressed and miserable without him, and she told me she couldn't care less.

Please help me! I love him so much and I don't know what I am going to do without him in my life.

-- Love Hurts

Dear Love Hurts,

Hey, kiddo? What did he do to hurt you?

I am sure there are many sweet and spiffy things about him. And Breakup Girl is all for forgiveness and rehabilitation. But let's just say -- for the sake of argument -- that parents know what they're talking about, especially when it comes to their kids' well-being. Yes, I've reprimanded grownups in these very pages for stepping between their kids and their dates in inappropriate ways and for ill-advised reasons. But LH, something freaked yours out.

So. You don't have to tell me or them or anybody, but answer this question for yourself: are they right to be worried?

To be sure, calling one's daughter a "whore" is hardly a recommended approach. But maybe -- suggests our very own Someone Else's Mom Belleruth -- "Mom's bananas with worry that this guy will treat you bad -- whatever he did -- again, and that you, nonetheless, are so nuts about him that you're lying and out of her control. That could lead her and her temper to say the wrong thing."

So try talking to your mom again, LH. Talk: don't threaten, don't cry. Ask questions. What's making her so mad? What's making her so worried? Could you maybe have supervised dates? If you promise not to lie and sneak (and mean it)? (...Or -- tell the truth -- would actually being allowed to date take some of the fun out of it?)

In any case, both Belle and I think there's something you're not telling us (sound familiar?) or maybe even yourself about being Mrs. Garrett, if you will. Maybe you should bounce this whole thing off of yet another trusted adult. Which will give you a chance to practice giving grownups a chance to trust you.

Love,
Breakup Girl

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