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Dear Breakup Girl,

Basically, I am a sap. Some would call me a hopeless romantic, but I'm a little past that. You see, I think I'm in love with being in love. Let me explain. I always fall in love with people I shouldn't--my best friend, my teacher (who thankfully left after the year I fell in love with him), a gay guy friend, and now I think I might be falling for a guy I know online. He's ten years older than me and lives half the country away. Awfully safe to fall for him, isn't it? And that's my problem: I want to have a relationship. I'm tired of being single. But I don't know what to do to get myself out of this cycle of falling for unattainable guys. Now, don't get me wrong. I don't chase guys and never have. But I bump into these people when I'm off doing my own thing. It would seem that we would have that in common, but I can never seem to find the gumption within me to ask them out. So am I just shy or just afraid? Please, please give me some advice!

-- Sick of Avoiding It

Dear Sick of Avoiding It,

Sometimes the Falling for Unattainable thing is, yes, about avoiding the Attainable (or, actually, the Rejectable, which would be you). I might actually find someone?! I might have to negotiate a real relationship!? I might be happy?! EEEK! But in your case, I dunno. I have this feeling that sure, you love love. So you've got this big love tractor beam that you're shining around your life. And you "fall for" whomever it lands on. I'm not saying these people aren't lovely, but dare I say that what you have with them isn't love. Love shines back.

You do, on the other hand, have Crush. And? No big. Don't turn thinking you have A Problem into a Problem. It's not, necessarily. I mean, enjoy the fizz. As long as these folks aren't materially interfering with your search, laissez-faire ("doing my own thing") though it may be. As long as you're not online with Online Guy when you could be on line with Actual Movie Date. You know? But if you don't want to ask guys out, don't ask them out. Let them come to you. Just realize that as long as you're walking around vibeing like you're "in love" with someone else, well, that makes you pretty Unattainable too.

Love,
Breakup Girl

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