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Dear Breakup Girl,

She says things are great. She says she's happy. I'm not convinced. She's always distracted and typically falls asleep immediately when we hop in bed.

Now for the psycho-thoughts I have:

1. She's selfish. She likes herself more than anything (anyone) else. Understandable. Happiness with self is key to great health. Could be a lack of self-esteem on my part. But it gets tiring just talking about or hearing her speak of herself about 80 percent of our time together. Considering we live together, that's a lot.

2. What is the deal with being late?! Nobody likes to wait unless you're speaking of death or a term paper. I'm always on time. She doesn't like being the first one home or only one home. She won't wait a couple hours for me to get home so we can work out together.

3. She's highly intelligent, great looking, couldn't ask for a more respected profession. So where do I fit in the picture?

4. I've brought the "You need to pay more attention to me" plea into this recently. I didn't have to do it before -- why should I start now? It doesn't seem to be working as I have expected. If I bring it up again I think I will have crossed the line into the whining zone.

I don't like playing emotional games. I'm not the type of person to issue an ultimatum. Is it asking too much to hear honest thoughts? Or am I insecure? Give me your thoughts.

-- Is She Worth My Backbone?

Dear Backbone,

Hell, maybe she is happy. Maybe this is just how she likes things. I mean, we can speculate until the, um, girlfriends come home about what's going on with her. But if you're not happy, well, let's look there. You're right: when it comes to hearing, "You need to pay more attention to me," people tend to have short attention spans. But asking her honest thoughts -- and sharing yours -- are totally, completely fair game. Really fair game. (As opposed to "games.") Especially when it appears that the balance of everything else -- time, care, listening, sex -- is unfair. So don't badger, confront, demand: converse, ask, share, be specific about what works and doesn't work. About yourself, for you. Like you mean it. If she really will not engage with you on this, well, yes, that's definitely a problem. But is she worth your backbone? Maybe, maybe not. Show some and we'll see.

Love,
Breakup Girl

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