< PREVIOUS LETTER   ||   NEXT LETTER >
 

Dear Breakup Girl,

I am a long time, happily married man with kids and I have a relatively newly married brother who was caught cheating on his wife, exactly what and how I don't know or care. Since they apparently, after several weeks of discussion, have decided to stay together, my problem is, since they know I know because our parents saw fit to spread the news around so we would know (though I wish I just hadn't been told), how and when do I talk to them? I used to call every couple weeks, maybe more, to talk about stuff, and they lived close and we would see them fairly frequently. I haven't called since I heard (several weeks ago) and won't run into them by chance. Should I just call and act like I don't know, call and support my sister-in-law (who is in the right), or just wait until we are thrown together (when we will probably have a bris [Jewish circumcision ceremony] unless the ultrasound is wrong)?

-- Oh, Brother

Dear Oh, Brother,

Oh, you should definitely say something. Not much, just something. Otherwise, this will become -- and regular readers know what I am about to say -- a Rhinoceros Head. Let's say your relationship with your brother -- your whole family, even -- is a living room. It's pretty nice and comfortable, warm, sunny. But there is a rhinoceros head on the coffee table. It's not really in the way, but you can't ignore it. I mean, it's a rhinoceros head. In fact, you're trying so teeth-grittingly to pretend it's not there, that things in a otherwise nice room are stiff; you're staring straight ahead, tiptoeing around, instead of flopping on the couch and putting your feet on the ... coffee table... and just hanging out. Not saying something makes it worse. Get the picture?

So face the rhino. Especially because -- before! -- you have this actual living-room event (the bris). If it's true (even though you say your sister-in-law "is in the right") that at the end of the day, you just don't care, it's not your business, didn't want to know in the first place, yadda yadda, then again, you do not have to say much. Just calling and saying something like, "Hey, I know you know I know about IT. I just wanted to say that. I do not love what happened, but you are my brother, and that's that. So. Oh, and if you want to talk to me about something I have experience with, namely being a long-time happily married man with kids, I am here. Enough said." Poof! Rhino gone. Mazal tov!

Love,
Breakup Girl

< PREVIOUS LETTER   ||   NEXT LETTER >