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Dear Breakup Girl,

Ok. Ok. You have heard this like a zillion times, but I'm gonna ask anyway since it seems that the only thing listening to me right now is this stupid machine...

Why, why do girls must (and I mean MUST) hurt guys without a reason?

You see, I meet this girl some three weeks ago, and there was instant attraction between us. We went out together and stuff until it happened; on that weekend I felt like the king of the world. I felt like nothing could stop me I even liked my job. Everything was good, but suddenly...

I called her last Sunday to invite her to my graduation from university, she said yes (how could anything be wrong?). I didn't care about graduation; the only thing I really wanted was being with her, but she cancelled that very day half an hour before!!!!!

You don't do things like those, even worse, when she told me so, she had this strange look in her face, she said that she had this class she couldn't miss, and she didn't even say goodbye!!!! She just turned around and left, I don't have to say that I felt like crap, especially after all the good things that had happened; I didn't expect this kind of blow. Since then, nothing not even an e-mail or ICQ message, a call or a smoke sign, NOTHING.

So. What the f__ is wrong with you women? I mean this is not the first time that something like this has happened to me.

Do you actually enjoy it? I can't find any other explanation.

Well, I thought she could really (I mean it) be THE ONE. But I can see that the entire womankind finds an strange, insane, sick pleasure in making boys suffer. Am I wrong?

-- Skywalker

Look, Luke,

If the machine is listening to you, then listen to it. Browse through some of my advice columns -- this one, even -- and spot all the gals who are like, "Dear Breakup Girl, I don't want to be in this relationship, but I can't end it because I don't want to hurt him." Or even, "Dear Breakup Girl, He moved without telling me, but I can't end it because I don't want to hurt him." Yes, there are icky, even mean and cruel people -- women and men -- in the world. But there's also plenty of evidence of people going so far as to hurt themselves in the [apparent] interest of not hurting others.

And as far as evidence goes, I don't see any here of anything other than a gal changing her mind (maybe even leading you on) and then bailing. Infelicitously and impolitely, yes. (And I am completely sorry; I know you're majorly hurt, and that blows.) But "insane" and "sick?" By those standards, Goofus is the Antichrist.

Nor, again, do I see any evidence of a girl-wrought conspiracy. You date (or not) girls, so they're the bad guys. That's all. But it's nice to weave theories, of course, because if it's Their Gender, then it's Not You. Phew.

But at this point, Skywalker, there's an itty bitty teeny sense in which it might be. You, that is.

Let's just say that being a Babe Maligner does not make you a Babe Magnet. I'm sure your attitude/frustration is not totally overt, that you're not all: "What are you doing on Friday? Also, what is wrong with you women?" But still. It's a vibe thing.

I know and am glad that you experienced that transporting (as opposed to Trainspotting) nothing-else-matters kind of love/crush ... but I'd suggest that you start valuing and caring more about your own accomplishments, girl or no girl; that you start figuring out how to love your job or find another, girl or no girl. Fill in the other blanks so the girls you pursue don't get the sense that that'll be their job. See about becoming king -- single king -- of your world first. Then the Queen Charmings just might start lining up.

Love,
Breakup Girl

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