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Dear Breakup Girl,

I read on your site a while ago about how it's never a good idea to be your ex's best friend during and after a breakup. I've found this to be true, especially when being there for them as a friend just makes growing apart that much more difficult. Do you think the same might be true when you're becoming involved with someone for the first time? I'm a big believer in honest communication, but it seems as if every time I start dating someone and try to be upfront with my emotions/where I'm at, it starts to feel like we're already in a relationship rather than just testing the waters. Do you recommend keeping some emotional distance in the beginning, even if its somewhat of an artificial barrier than wouldn't otherwise be present?

-- Just Some Crazy Law School Guy

Dear Law Guy,

Yes.

Yes, it is an artificial barrier that wouldn't otherwise be present, but you -- in theory/potentially -- are also entering into a relationship that is unique in your life (at that time, anyway). Making girl/boyfriends is different from making friends; it just is.

But let's finesse the word "artificial." I'm not talking about being cagey or manipulative or passionlessly wise and practical; I'm talking about leaving yourselves some slack. In the world of Brady dating for which you all know I yearn (Brady as in Bunch, not Law; get your head out of your books), this is a moot point. It's just a few dates, yo, not a contract. You don't have to file any "where I'm at" just-friend of the court briefs. Also, when you take your time on the emotional shareage (on whatever topic), you get the frisson of the buildup, the thrill of the spill, another means of calibration ("Wow, s/he's the only person I felt comfortable telling the 3rd grade muenster cheese incident to; this could be serious!").

Think -- just in case you law types need to get outdoors a bit more -- of rappelling: arguably, a much better experience when you let the rope out little by little rather than all at once, am I right?

Then again, Crazy, bravo on finding time to date in law school.

Love,
Breakup Girl

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