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Dear Breakup Girl,

I had sex several times with one of my guy friends. Ok and I told a few friends of mine about it. But I may have told some people that I don't remember telling and because it got back to him that I was saying stuff. I feel so bad about it and he's telling me that he's through with me. I feel as if I lost a friend. But who's really at fault here? Should I be blaming myself or my friends for going back to him?

-- Gabrielle

Dear Gabrielle,

Tip: always assume that people will tell. Just assume. This is a fact of life, not a slam on your particular friends. It means: watch what you say, and to whom. If you are telling the kind of people that you don't even remember telling (ie inconsequential), then what you are telling them is an announcement, not a confidence. They will tell. Forget the "fault;" that is your lesson.

And, leaving room for true confidences among true friends, what I would like you all to tell me is this: that you're having the kind of precious relationships where what you do -- which, though this may be asking a lot, does not include sex -- is not a trophy, but a treasure. A secret one.

Love,
Breakup Girl

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