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Dear Breakup Girl,

You can't help me, I am writing as a public service to anyone who has ever been dumped and then hopes their ex someday regrets the dumping.

I was seeing a great girl for about a month. She was hot, smart, funny and easy to be with. My family and friends liked her. I was happy. For some reason I'll never figure I dumped her when I heard this other woman was interested in me. I had seen her around, and she was attractive, and I knew she was willing. So I dumped a great girl and got involved with what turned out to be the psycho hose beast from hell.

She's a chronic and pathological liar, her family is nuts, she hangs on me like second skin, she is petty, vindictive and manipulative, she has no friends and mine can't stand her. So it's just us in our "own little world," day after day after day.

I have been miserable for months now. The psycho is proving to be impossible to get away from. And of course, once I recognized the error of my ways, the summer woman will not have a thing to do with me.

So yes, I'm an ass. I went for flash and walked away from substance. I will regret this decision for a long time.

Now, anyone who has been dumped can feel a bit of the pleasure of vengeance from my confession.

I'm going to go look for a wall to beat my head against.

-- Loserboy

Okay, Mister Martyr,

Step away from the wall.

Yes, you have reminded us that the grass is always bluer.

But let me get this straight: you're still seeing PHB? Meaning what? That your punishment for dating PHB is ... dating PHB? And then plastering/flagellating yourself all over BG's wall of shame?

You're not an ass -- so ha! I'm not going to indulge you by berating you! -- you're some kind of oddball ascetic for the '90s. "Must not have pleasure. Must not have good relationship." Or, to finesse: "Must not mess this one up. Uh oh, I might. So I will, just in case." That, I bet, is why you dumped Great Gal, yo.

But no one over here is going to feel a bit of pleasure/vengeance from your confession unless/until you extricate yourself from PHB. (And even then we won't, but anyway.) "Impossible to get away from?" Come on. You didn't have any problem dumping someone terrific. That, arguably, should have been the challenge breakup.

What did you do so wrong, Loserboy? I mean, before you even started seeing Great Girl? For what are you doing penance in this hellish "little world" of yours? Why are you not the kind of guy who gets to stay with Great Girl? I don't know. But go figure it out. As a private service to you.

Love,
Breakup Girl

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