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Dear Breakup Girl,

I feel really stupid. I found out this weekend that to all of my guy friends, I am a trophy score. All they want from me is to get in my pants. They are my friends to my face, but then when I'm not around they call me a b*tch because I won't sleep with them. I've known it all along; I just chose not to acknowledge it until someone else told me.

The worst part was I went out with this guy on Friday night and he told me that he doesn't have sex when he's drunk because it just gets you into a lot of trouble. I really like this guy, so I trusted him with that. Then Saturday night, I had a friend tell him to come out of the bar and talk to me, and he was evidently already drunk, and he told everyone that he was going to get laid.

It's just not fair. I'm not a trophy and I am not a toy. I can't find anyone who wants me for me and not to be able to say "I screwed her." Any advice you could offer would be greatly appreciated. Thanks.

-- LJB

Dear LJB,

Okay, here's who's not your friend anymore: either

1. Your guy "friends."

or

2. The person who lied to you about what they said.

If it's choice #1, which both of us are inclined to believe it is, hey: let them call you a b*tch because you won't hang out with them because they called you a b*tch because you wouldn't sleep with them (excellent call on that, by the way). As complicated as that sentence was, however, it's still easier for me to say than for you to do. No one wants to be thought/spoken badly of, especially not for bad reasons, and especially not by people you consider(ed) your friends. But you must must must, L, find and cultivate (or rediscover) the true friends that have got to be around there somewhere. That's an excellent end in itself, and it's also what may lead you to a nice boy who LIKElikes you for you.

Oh, and about Friday Boy. Eeeuw. Not good enough for you, period. So I hope the sex thing came up as part of a casual, "So, what do you like to do on weekends?" conversation, and not because you suggested it. Do your best to quit feeling stupid, because as long as you do, you will have stupid standards. At the end of the day, it's a self-fulfilling prophecy.

And by the way, for what it's worth, rest assured that he was talking a big game. Except for the part where he said he doesn't have sex when he's drunk. 'Cause he doesn't. That was the truth. Anyone who tells everyone he is going to get laid ... is not. At the end of the night, it's a self-pleasuring prophecy.

Love,
Breakup Girl

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