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Dear Breakup Girl,

I have read your column every Monday lo these many months and like many of the others, I do look upon you as the one superhero who truly rocks, and who could actually provide insight into my problem.

Here goes.

Lessee, I hooked up with a superior of mine barely two months into working at my present job (a bad move). Alcohol did fuel that, and being the umm... Gentleman (I guess) he called me up that weekend and sort of asked me out on a "date" to discuss what had happened . Unfortunately, alcohol was also involved in that interaction, so you guessed it, we hooked up again. There were a few other hookups, but pretty much cold after that. Flash forward nine months when I hook up with him (yes, alcohol involved). Then, two weeks after that find out that he has been dating and basically living with someone else from the company for the last I don't know how many months (but sure that somewhere we definitely overlapped). Decline to find out exactly where the overlapping took place, after all, all that really matters is that it did, since not exactly emotionally involved after all (and it wasn't all that great to begin with since always alcohol fueled).

The real issue is that we have become friends of a sort (even though deep down inside I do wonder at his morals, I'm sure he wonders at mine as well, though), but now in the past six months or so he has had a frequent visiting schedule to my office. Sometimes four times a day or more. I do not ever visit his office unless for actual business. Also, he always invades my personal space to the point that his trousers are touching my arm. I'm not exactly sure what to say to him to communicate that I'm really not interested in a sexual relationship anymore, but could continue a friendship (as far as that goes).

To complicate matters, I have become friendly with the woman he now lives with who also visits my office often (but not as often as him) and who knows that something small happened between us before they started dating (and is OK with that), but could not deal with the whole truth. If I said the wrong thing to him, and fell out with him, she would quickly feel the tension and wonder what happened.

I want to be able to say something to him, but not to alienate either of them, since if that happened, it is likely the entire office could find out.

Help me with the right words.

-- LameOfficeGirl

Dear LameOfficeGirl,

The fact that your situation is inherently complicated is actually what makes it easier to get out of. You have plenty of in-principle reasons to officially cool things off with him -- that is, none is personally slighting or insulting. I mean, phew! All you need to say is something like: "Hey, you and I both know that there are a million reasons why your trousers shouldn't be touching my arm right now." What on earth is he entitled to be mad about? His only possible reasonable response: "Okay, you're right." (Or: "Left foot, Green.") I mean, if he goes ballistic because of that, well, yes, that would suck for you bigtime, but in that case, there would have been no way to predict or prevent it the first place Just try to stay (a) gracious and above it all, and (b) away from the gimlets.

Love,
Breakup Girl

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