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Dear Breakup Girl,

I discovered a few months back that I had a secret admirer. She didn't reveal herself to me until about 2 weeks ago. During her nervous wait, she got a boyfriend. We spend a lot of time together, including Valentine's Day (he didn't get her anything, whereas I did). Now, she's feeling guilty because she has cheated on him, but doesn't have the heart to break up with him. He doesn't care much for her, but she overlooks that. It's driving me nuts, and worrying me that she may end up staying with him so she won't hurt his feelings...and she'll disregard the ones that we deeply share. What's a boy to do?

-- LA

Dear LA,

A secret admirer?! Does BG spot trends, or what?

Anyway, the secrecy thing is cute and all, but someone's got to start being more direct. There's no way I can make you guys do this, or make you not be nervous about doing this, but she needs to tell Lame Boyfriend that she actually had a admiree that predated (as it were) him. Or, more simply and safely, thanks but no thanks. And you need to tell her that you like her way too much to sit around and be the secret other man. If you need backup, print out this letter and give it to her. With my name on it.

Love,
Breakup Girl

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