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Dear Breakup Girl,

I met *B* during the first week of class in college. We immediately hit it off. Great conversation, lots of common interests, and amazing chemistry. He respected that I just wanted to be just friends for a while and eventually we started dating. Around winter break he became very detached and didn't want to spend as much time with me. He was meeting new people and getting a lot of late night phone calls from people I had never heard of before. I asked him what was going on and he told me that he was making a lot of new friends. New guy friends. New homosexual guy friends. So the question came: "Are you homosexual?" He replied, "I don't know."

So we broke up so he could figure it out. He spent the break exploring his sexuality and I spent it nursing a broken heart and trying to get back out into the dating field again with some minor success. But I just couldn't forget about him. Apparently he couldn't forget me either because he called me a couple times during the break. When we came back to school in the New Year I had a new attitude and I was not going to let the fact that he and I weren't together keep me from being successful in college. When he returned from break, he asked to see me and we sat down for a extensive talk about the break and the break up. He'd decided that he was not homosexual but could be bisexual. And so we got back together with the understanding that we were only going to date each other. Since we have always been able to tell each other just about everything I trusted that if he wanted to see someone else that he would mention it.

*B* went through a lot of changes, going from a sweats-and-a-T-shirt kind of guy into an Armani model and I began to feel like I didn't look like I was supposed to be with him anymore. But he calmed my fears and we continued on. We celebrated our year anniversary and things were blissful. A month later, he started working outside of school and spending less and less time with me. Our deep talks turned into superficial conversation. Finally I called him on it and we talked and cried. We both still love each other very much and neither of us wanted to break up. He wanted to see other people, men to be specific, and he felt that I should see other people because I deserved someone who could always be around to spend time with me. So we agreed on a frame of time that we will spend not dating each other, with minimal communication so he can try and find himself. I miss him but I have made some new friends and become more sure of myself and I have progressed immensely in school and have actually started to date. He and I went out to lunch the other day and he misses me too. We talked about the pressure being put on us by the people around us. My friends want me to have nothing at all to do with him and his friends are split on the issue. I have decided to follow my heart and keep living as I am but wait until we said (after the winter break) to decide on the matter of us being together again. He is the closest friend I have and I am thrilled that he is growing as a person and figuring himself out. I sometimes feel that people want me to have nothing to do with him because he is confused about his sexuality (like a large percentage of college students) but I can't help but think that I am right in supporting him in his efforts as his girlfriend and his best friend. Am I doing something wrong? Should I listen to my friends? I have never felt this closely connected to and yet so conflicted about someone before in my life. I understand that my friends are concerned about me getting hurt and I have no doubt if we decide that we shouldn't be together I will be hurt but I still want to be at least his friend and they seem very much against it. Please help, BG!

--Cherie

Dear Cherie,

You guys sound like you have a really nice -- if confusing -- relationship. I don't have a problem with your staying friends. And he is so allowed to be confused and exploring, as long as he is pretty forthright -- and wicked safe! -- with everyone. But if a 100% committed, full-time, full Monty, relationship is what you're up for in life, then do not accept an in-between maybe kind of thing -- from him or anyone else -- as a boyfriend knockoff. Armani -- never mind the label, we're talking: cut from the finest cloth, more than just the look of the month -- is what you're supposed to have.

Love,
Breakup Girl

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