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Dear Breakup Girl,

Recently, my friend Emilie, who's only 14, has started hanging out with the smoking/druggie crowd, and I found out about a week ago that she's actually sleeping with a guy she barely knows. Is it my place to sit her down and tell her, "Now, honey this guy doesn't love you -- stop sleeping with him NOW," say nothing, anonymously ask the counselor to talk to her . . . or what? Thanks.

-- Nikki

Dear Nikki,

A lecture will not work -- you are not, technically, an authority, and she will get defensive and indignant. But you are, technically, a friend, so start there. Belleruth suggests saying something like: "Hey, I'm worried about you and some of the choices you seem to be making. I care about you and hate to watch you do toxic stuff to your body and mind. Can I escort you to a counselor? Lend an ear? Tie you to a chair?" Caution: it probably won't work. But you will have fulfilled your responsibility as a good pal who'd go nuts if she didn't say something -- and, as Belleruth points out, who knows, your words may kick in later. BR adds: "You could also keep an eye out and if it looks like your friend is definitely endangering herself, then you should feel free to bust her to the counselor. This will make her furious, but friends take those chances when the stakes are that high." And remember, talking to the counselor means that you are: talking to the counselor. If you're really muddled, score a little guidance for yourself. Good luck.

Love
BG/BR

PS Amy C., are you listening? Hope your friend does too.

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