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Dear Breakup Girl,

In 1969 when I was 14 I started dating Bill. We went together for 4 years and then he met someone while he was in the military. He contacted me a couple of years later and then after they divorced he wanted to come back to me. It didn't work.

He has driven by my house over the past 20 years hoping to see me again. After his second divorce he found out where I worked through family members and called me. The relationship blossomed and he asked me to marry him and move in with him. Now (after a visit from his ex-wife) he asked me to move out. He is confused and needs space. And, he wants the ring back. Friends and family tell me to keep it. They say because he has put me through so much hurt and disrupted my life so many times that this is one lesson he should learn the hard way. I am torn about giving the ring back.

-- Judy

Dear Judy,

Hey, Smith, see what I mean about the other kind of first love? Twenty years. Ye gods.

But anyway, Judy, it's not about the ring. Especially not as a teaching tool. If he learns any sort of lesson (and I'm not so convinced he needs to), it will not be from losing the ring, it will be from losing you.

Love,
Breakup Girl

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