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Dear Breakupgirl,

I've been dating a girl for a couple of months now who I'm really into, and could definitely see as a "porch" type girl. Her current roommate is moving out in a couple of months, and one of her long-time male friends is looking for a new place. Well, naturally, she thinks it would be a good idea for him to move in.

Normally I am not the jealous type, really, but from the first day I met this guy I could tell that he was madly in love with my girlfriend; soapy eyes, angry eyes at me, etc. I later found out from her current roommate that this guy has had a crush on my girlfriend for years and has never told her. She is the type of girl who is completely oblivious to these sort of things, and she has never seen him in a non-friend way. This guy clearly hates my guts and consistently badmouths me behind my back (unlike her other friends who think I'm great). Obviously, I don't see this as an ideal living situation. Unfortunately, I don't think we have been dating long enough for me to complain without sounding like a jerk.

So I guess my question is: Should I say something and potentially piss her off, or keep my mouth shut and hope that this horrid living situation works itself out? Admittedly, I don't relish the fact of her living with any heterosexual male (seeing as she is an attractive woman, and I know how guys think). Also, I am not exactly ecstatic about this guy having better access to her to badmouth our relationship. She just thinks it's cute that he is concerned. Her current roommate vows to stay out of the whole situation. Nice of her, huh? What should I do, Breakup Girl?

-- I Probably Wouldn't Say Something, But...

Dear I Probably Wouldn't Say Something, But...,

I can totally see why you don't share your girlfriend's enthusiasm for this apartment share. And why the porch you're picturing is not the one on that house. Jealousy is both a reflex and an instinct; it's tough to just stick it in storage.

That said, I'm not sure it's your place to tell her what to do with hers. If he's badmouthing you that badly, it is her place to say, "Yo, quit badmouthing my boyfriend, or it's double chores for you this week." (She "thinks it's cute that he is concerned?" Either she really is clueless, in which case let her ignorance be your bliss, or she's clueful and just not even engaging something she thinks is totally blowoff-worthy.) And -- if he does interfere, in your face -- it is your place to go straight to the source (skipping the middle woman) and say, to him,"Yo, quit badmouthing...me." (And by the way? The current roommate is prudent, if not lying.)

So I'd say your best bet -- wrenching though it may be -- is to trust her, singular, and you, plural, to withstand this potential -- and potentially harmless -- invasion. And have her over to your place as much as you can.

Love,
Breakup Girl

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