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Dear Breakup Girl,

Here is my situation: I've been out the dating scene for a long time (I'm divorced with a totally cool 10-year-old boy). Despite my hardships, I still have my brain, heart, and lust for life. I recently met a great guy who is 31 (I'm 34). We get along great and all the signs are there that this is it -- but it has only been a little over a month. No sex yet, and that is fine. Most of our relationship has been talking and playing; we work different hours, so we usually only see each other on Friday and Saturday nights. We spend a lot of time on the phone and e-mail, and we really click.

However, a lot of my colleagues don't recognize this as a real relationship yet. They keep saying I'm not following the "The Rules" of modern dating, since we aren't intimate and talk more than anything. What is the modern classification of "dating?" Isn't growing a relationship more important than "creating" a full blown one instantly? BG, please help put me on the right track for true love.

-- Shelly

Dear Shelly,

As many of you know, BG believes that the modern definition of "dating" is the old-fashioned definition of "dating." As in: Brady Dating. I don't mean having two dates on one night, one to a costume party and one to a regular party, so you have to have one wait in the den and one in the living room and then you change into and out of your vampire outfit as you pass through the kitchen. Rather: Going. On. Dates. You go out and do something nice and fun. You say good-bye. And you wait (yes, impatiently!) 'til after the next -- or the NEXTnext -- nice and fun thing to say more of a Hello, Sailor! kind of good-bye. I am not talking about playing coy games. I am talking about each of you giving yourselves the dating/breathing room to be sure you're not all, "S/he's the One ... [who called]!" About enjoying the watch-it-grow fun.

Add to that the modern elements of e-mail and Internet advice columns, and you've got: you! If you're comfortable with how things are going, then bravissima! So pay no attention to the women behind the pashmina. One woman's rule is another's anathema. Show me a girl who jumps into bed right away "to make sure we're physically compatible," and I'll show you a girl who figures "we can't be physically compatible until we're emotionally connected." (I'll also show you this column. And this letter about "The" Rules. Oh, and this discussion on my message board.)

So keep clicking, keep talking, keep doing what you're doing. Where, after all, is the fire? Oh, there it is, right alongside that right track you're on. Let 'em talk; let it smolder. Okay, Thoroughly Modern Shelly?

Love,
Breakup Girl