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Dear Breakup Girl,

Here's a doozy: After four months together, I find out my boyfriend is married. He told me he was divorced, so, first, he lied to me. I work for a divorce attorney during the day -- and my boss took on my now ex-boyfriend's case! Not only am I handling his divorce, I also work with him at my night job.

I know four months is not a long time, but we lived together right away and we even looked at engagement rings. I still feel very connected to him, but he just says the timing is off -- the timing is off because he is now sleeping with his best friend's ex-girlfriend! I know he is a slimeball, but he has my heart and I am unsure what to do about it.

-- Cynthia

Dear Cynthia,

A doozy, indeed. What are the odds? Your letter reads like it's from some simplified-for-the-plot mini-opolis where there IS actually only one diner, one hair salon, and one divorce lawyer in town. You know?

And actually, there's a bit more going on in your situation than "I can't escape reminders of my ex!" BG has dated enough lawyers to sense that for you to work on that divorce case could constitute a conflict of interest fifty times the size of your town. I'm sure you're highly professional, Cynthia, but how could you be expected to separate business from displeasure? Why, you could want to make sure that slimeball gets taken to the cleaners...AND you could want to make sure he gets lots of cash, in case you get back together. And even IF all your outward/legal conduct is of the utmost superhuman objectivity, what if "the other side" finds out you and your client were involved? Then you -- and your firm -- are in hotter water than ever. So if I were you, I'd take a look, right away, at your firm's policy on "related parties" -- and then make a judgment call about whether it's your duty to disclose to your boss.

Okay, that's "by day." How about "by night?" Well, I don't know how your schedule works, but is there aaaaaany way you could switch to different nights? Overall, Cynthia, if you're to have any hope of distancing yourself from this guy, you've got to find a way to distance yourself from this guy.

If your work commitments are such that actual distance seems impossible, try -- hard -- to think of it this way: YOU have your heart. HE has your...attention. And how could he not? YOU have, in your heart, the pretty indelible impressions of all the good stuff. The flirting, the shared space, the ring stuff. KEEP that. Or, actually, put it in escrow for a while. Say, let me hold it for you, until you (perhaps) recuse yourself from this case, until you (perhaps) see him less at work. Or until you force yourself -- and this is hard -- to get used to seeing the guy who isn't the guy you thought he was. Which is the guy he IS (hint: "slimeball"). Which means, alas, I really doubt he's gonna come through for you. But in the meantime, your friends at the hair salon/nail place will. Just try not to name names when you dish.

Love,
Breakup Girl

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