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Dear Breakup Girl,

My ex left me for my best friend of 22 years. We were married for only four years. She was maid of honor at my wedding, gave me a bridal shower, helped me pick out my dress, etc. She had been married herself for 18 years, and left her husband for mine!

They are now married and she wants to still be associates...even friends. She even invited her ex-husband and me to the wedding! I lost everything of material value -- this man left me with a mortgage four months behind, credit card debt, no food, and a maintenance fee of over $1,000.

I can't deal with this anymore. I've told her to please leave me alone as there is no way we can ever be friends again after such a hurtful betrayal. BG, you are so right that revenge is not the answer, but how can I get her to leave me alone?

-- Ruthie

Dear Ruthie,

Wow. In a soap, this would be the setup to send your character over the edge -- and kill hers off, if you know what I mean.

But in real life,bizarre as it many sound, it does seem to me that the Bride of Frankenhusband is trying -- with an astonishing level of cluelessness -- to extend some sort of "Can't we get past this?" olive branch. That branch, of course, is poking you in the eye. 'Cause, no, in fact, you cannot get past this. Nor should you be expected to. EVEN IF you were to concede that those two, I dunno, make a better couple (outlandish and insane, I know!) -- even then, what, you all are all going to, like, HANG OUT?! As if.

So: Cut off contact (including telling her not to contact you); commence Operation Ruthie Survival. I know things seem totally hopeless, and they may for a while. But go ahead and click here for help at least with the practical/financial/legal matters, if not the emotional ones; I think a little momentum there will make you feel a teeny bit less helpless "here," [BG says, pointing to your heart]. And, well, I know that friends aren't your best friends right now, but pleeeease say you've got another in the wings that you can rely on. No one should have to be this alone...alone.

It will get better, Ruthie, I promise. Just check with me before you wind up with her ex-husband.

Love,
Breakup Girl

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