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SHOUTOUTS

To Natalie from Jenn:

Sweetie, first of all, let me tell you something that my mother told me when I was your age: it doesn't matter if love is "puppy love," "mature love," or "true love;" to the person experiencing it; it's love, plain and simple. Which means that your experiences, both joys and heartaches, are just as valid as anyone who is ten, twenty, or five hundred years older than you. If anyone tries to tell you differently, they're a moron, and I stand by that statement.

Secondly, BG is right about putting away the mementos for a while. You'll appreciate them more in a couple of years, when they just give you a nostalgic little tug on the 'ol heartstrings, rather than using those strings to strangle you.

Now, as to "why can't he just love [you]?" I myself raged at that very question not too long ago, over someone who also ripped out my heart and squished it. Eventually, however, I realized that it doesn't matter why he can't love me the way I want him to: he just doesn't. And I needed to accept that and move on, because I (and you) deserve someone who can love me (you) that way. And as long as you're pining after someone who can't, you're missing out on the opportunity to meet someone who can.

I'm not over my breakup yet, not by far, but I have tucked the hurt into a small corner of my heart that I only indulge in every once in a while. I'm moving on with my life, and although I've yet to date again, I am at least giving other guys the chance to prove that they're even more right for me than He was.

To Antonia from Karen:

Say, don't you know an opportunity when it's shouting to you from the nearest cell phone?

Lots and lots of people truly enjoy sharing their knowledge and helping a person navigate confusing waters. You have a golden conversation starter, if you just sincerely and unabashedly (not desperately) ask for help in understanding all this new modern stuff. You have a built-in "line" that's better (and more authentic) than any I've heard, so "ask and ye shall receive!"

Also to Antonia from Kwesi:

A lot of things change overseas, especially Boy-Girl things. I just returned from a year abroad, and I'm finding it hard to adjust in that dimension as well. People were friendlier where I was; women would smile at me on the street, and I received a ton of flirtatious attention. Interactions with everybody, even other Americans, were a lot more intense. Having returned, it is very different. Even outside of NYC, people don't want to make eye contact, let alone smile, or flirt. It is hard. I'm just hoping I can bring some of the feeling of being abroad back home with me -- and keep the memory of tropical sunshine (and smiles) to warm myself on cold and dark days such as today.

And from El Guapo:

I too was in Czechoslovakia for some time (from 1990 in fact), and I know from experience you're a much different person than when you left. While you can't go home again, you can use this sort of alien feeling to your advantage. If you're in a small town, people aren't going to know where Europe is, let alone why anyone would want to live there -- move to a bigger town.

Don't start telling people about your time abroad -- they usually don't care. Mention living abroad, and use guys as sources for info on current events. Eventually throw in where you were, what you were doing there, etc. For some guys (the more intelligent ones), you'll have this exotic quality (but you can't be snobbish about it). You could also look for one of your own kind. Americans who spend a lot of time abroad usually have some sympathy for those who've been out of the country for a while. You may even find a guy that way.

I did in Mexico, and it's not a solution. You have to live with yourself wherever you are; and a new country, a new language, and a new culture just postpone that process. Be somewhere where you feel good, and the rest will follow.