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Dear Breakup Girl,
Should I ask out the psychiatrist that I have been seeing for seven months
to discuss my husband's continuing infidelities? He is very handsome and nice
and single. I don't see men like this every day. Do you think I should just
do it?
-- Diane
Dear Diane,
No. A thousand times no. Well, four. Our own
Belleruth
says:
1. "No. Because you don't KNOWknow this guy. He's
in a role that makes him very attractive. But your relationship is, by definition,
a one-way couch; you have no clue what he's like when it's real give and take.
2. No. Because if he says yes, you've got an unethical
jackass on your hands.
3. No. Because if he says no, that could make you feel
all skanky and mess up the therapy.
4. No. Because if you really have been speaking
about your husband's infidelities for the last seven months -- and not you and
what you're up to and why you're staying, etc. -- then you might want to consider
finding another shrink anyway; he may not be doing the best job for you
in the first place."
And even if you do "break up" with this shrink,
you're still married, right? Which seems to be the problem. So work on getting
what you need out of therapy, and -- separately! -- on getting what you need
in a relationship, which in the case of your marriage, seems to be out. Then
-- after some healing and tinkering -- you can see men "like this"
(without the "your shrink" part) any day you like.
Love,
Breakup Girl and Belleruth
NEXT LETTER:
I like four girls, three of whom are not my girlfriend!