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Dear Breakup Girl,

A guy I'd been seeing for five months broke up with me two weeks ago. Six days later, I ran into him at a bar. We had a nice conversation, which ended with me telling him "let's be friends." And I meant it.

Well, a half hour later I see him making out wildly with some stranger just five feet from me and my friends. I was hurt and humiliated. Of all the places he could carry on with a person, why did he have to do it in front of me? The experience was painful.

The next day, I sent him an e-mail to tell him how I felt. I wrote: "Sunday at the bar I said I was willing to become friends. But when you made out with that guy in front of me, you disregarded my feelings and the role I had played so recently in your life. If friends do anything for one another -- especially exes making the difficult transition to friendship -- it's to hold one another's feelings in highest regard. You didn't do that. You made me feel like nothing more than one of your one-night stands, a feeling I didn't deserve. Out of respect for what we had had together, I wish you'd carried on with your friend...anywhere but where I had to watch. But unfortunately for our friendship, you couldn't be bothered with such thoughtfulness. Therefore, I'm going to forego making the transition to us becoming friends. I'd rather remember the David I met -- and thought I trusted -- last spring. Sincerely..."

Is it okay that I felt that way? Did I do the right thing? What should I do next, especially when I see him at a bar? Nod and say hello? I want to appear mature and healthy, and not let him how he hurt me and that I'm over him (even though the contrary is more the case).

-- Rob

Dear Rob,

Okay, ow. I am, as they say, truly sorry you had to see that. How could you not have felt how you felt? But here's the thing: at least at the outset, "let's be friends" should generally be considered a broad indication of no-ill-will, not a plan for immediate and thorough implementation. Especially in the context you describe, the phrase must be taken with a grain of salt. As in: "One more jumbo margaritarooni, rocks, salt." Not that there's anything right with that, but I'm willing to bet that your ex/tequila worm was being careless rather than malicious (though I know the effect feels the same).

But, well, what's (who's) done is done. And two Mr. Wrongs certainly don't make a right. So if/when you see him: yes, high road. Yes, nod and say "Hello." ("Hello, Dave." Not "..., sailor!")

Love,
Breakup Girl

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