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September 25, 2000   CONTINUED e-mail e-mail to a friend in need

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Dear Breakup Girl,

My ex and I broke up almost a year ago. It was kind of rough, but I am a "get out there and better yourself during this period" kind of girl. In the past year, I finished grad school, started a great new job, and have been doing rather well. Almost too well.

Now, I really don't want a boyfriend. I am very happy by myself, and like the way that I have my (somewhat limited) time to myself, my friends, my dog, etc. I am an intelligent, funny, attractive woman and I don't like to play games. I have been perfectly upfront with the past three guys I have gone out with about my not wanting to establish any kind of serious relationship. Unfortunately, even though they said they totally agreed ("What a relief -- a woman who's not looking for a commitment!"), each one of them started pressuring me for more time until I had to stop seeing them. Although I liked each of them; I didn't really mind not being with them. Except for one part -- the sex.

So, here's my question: is it totally wrong to establish a sex-only relationship with one person? I already have a candidate in mind. I'm not saying this is a permanent situation; just for the time while I don't want to be in a relationship. I don't want to keep sleeping with different people only to have the serious relationship thing comes up. But I am a young woman who has desires and urges. My friends are split on this; some say it's a great idea, others say that I will get hurt and it can never work. What do you think, BG; can this be done?

-- My Way


Dear My Way,

Totally wrong? No.

But:

Totally easy to make sure you're on the same page* before you embark? No. Totally easy to stay on the same page once you do? No.

And: totally guaranteed to make you less lonely than you were before? No.

Love,
Breakup Girl

* Those guys who kept calling probably were. They were just willing to make it a nightly lack-of-commitment.

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