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Dear Breakup Girl,

I was married to an incredible man; we had a wonderful relationship and an amazing son. Last summer he was killed in a crash.

Speed forward a year, I have since moved from the state we lived in and started my life over in a new place. I have met a wonderful man who I am completely and utterly in love with. He understands I am still hurting and healing from the death of my husband, but is nonetheless there for me when I have those times when I need to break down and cry. I truly believe I have found love again. He loves my son and me very much.

Everything is going great, but here comes the glitch: He is in the military (so was my husband), and has to opportunity to move to a better job. The catch is, it's in the town -- matter of fact, it's the exact military base -- I moved from almost a year and a half ago.

He wants my son and me to move with him. My stomach turns to knots at the thought of moving back to this town, and I am brought to tears. I can't imagine going back there. Many of the same people are there, and I fear it would just be too hard. He doesn't want to leave without me but I don't want to hold him back.

Am I being selfish or running away from something? Should I move with him, or are my fears justified. Please help!!

-- Confused and In Love

Dear Confused and In Love,

Oh, my. I am terribly sorry about your loss. And terribly glad you've found someone else so wonderful. But the very same base? Oh, dear. While you're duly, deliciously, and deeply distracted on the outside, on the inside you are -- and I think you know this -- still crawling on your elbows through the trenches of grief. I'm worried that part of the reason you've been able to fall for this guy is that you've done so in a totally new place. And thus that moving back so soon will set you back. So is there any, any way you could survive apart for the first while? Or could you move...closer, but not there? I am well aware of the pressures of a long-distance relationship, but I believe that -- at least for now -- they're lighter than those you'd bear at Fort Memory. If this guy's been there for you so far, I bet he'll wait there for you too.

Love,
Breakup Girl

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