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Dear Breakup Girl,

I really need some serious advice on this one. Full story: I'm a 14-year-old girl. I go to a small middle school where pretty much everyone knows each other. I just got out of a year-long relationship with a 17-year-old guy. It was really serious and I don't mourn its passing (it was so doomed from the start, and I'm not hurting or anything over it). I still sorta catch myself missing having somebody to talk to about...everything. I've taken some steps; I started a diary so I get that feeling of having told somebody what happened, etc. The ex (let's call him Captain Clingy) doesn't go to my middle school, he goes to high school (a hint to why we broke up).

Now, here comes my problem: there's this guy (let's call him Nice Guy) who goes to my school. He's really nice, funny, mature (I don't have to dumb down anything to talk to him, so he's great to talk to), and he's 13 and a half. I'm about to turn 15. Double ahhhhh!!! I enjoy his company and he seems to enjoy mine; we talk so much people think we go out. I've had a group of girls walk up to us during PE and hum the wedding march.

I adore Nice Guy, but I also adore the Realm of Singledom. NG seems to have a lot less hang-ups than my last two boyfriends. Also he's younger than me, and in my experience, older guys tend to treat me like a baby. I also wonder if maybe my wandering mind could have something to do with the fact that I recently broke my wrist. I rely on him to do all sorts of things for me; like open drinks and snack foods (he offers!), and close my book bag (he almost gets offended if I don't let him!). He also pulls out chairs for me and holds doors open, sorta makes me feel, you know, special. I just need to know how to hold on to my sanity near him without sending him all the wrong messages (I've noticed I flirt a lot accidentally).

On another note, my mom says that the school receptionist (yes it is all over the school; latest bit of hot gossip) said that once I was late for school (never am), and NG freaked out when he couldn't find me. This is really odd since we never talk until lunch, unless it's just a fleeting "hello." But during our second to last classes, we're practically inseparable. We sit next to each other in PE and in Art, assigned seating and all;I think the art teacher suspects. The rest of the time we either take totally different classes, or sit with other friends to avoid getting teased about each other.

Everyone says we should go out and they're trying to get him to ask me out. I have to admit, I feel attracted to him but I'm not sure what I'd say; not sure if I'd be willing to sacrifice a great potential friendship for fleeting romantic feelings. Everyone says he has a thing for me, constantly making jokes, teasing, writing our names on binders, and calling me his girlfriend. My thing is: I'm not sure if I want to give up my new found Singledom for anything even resembling a relationship. Also I feel like such a hypocrite since my last boyfriend was three years older than me, and I'm only about one year and three months older than NG. Also, Captain Clingy is still in the picture, he refuses to be cut out of the picture; constantly talking to me about his day and stuff like that (he doesn't know about NG). I think he's trying to make me jealous; for a 17-year-old he's sure bitter toward the world!

My question is this: what should I do?! I just need to know how to hold on to my sanity near him without sending him all the wrong messages (I've noticed I flirt a lot accidentally).

-- Single Girl

Dear Single Girl,

Hey, good call on "getting it all out" in your diary (and not, say, to the school receptionist).

As for your FEELINGSfeelings about Nice Guy, I'm not sure you'll find them so "fleeting." Your flirting's certainly not fleeting...it's practically on a schedule. And on his binder. Mere playahs/playettes are not usually that reliable/indelible. Nor that helpful.

But that also means you have time. Time to get a little more distance from Captain Clingy (don't worry, he'll de-cling as he gets more sucked in to school). Time to figure out whether you really LIKElike him as more than a bellhop. So I know you're trying to do the right thing, but I think the right thing for now is to just enjoy Singledom and Flirtage while you've got them both. And to pay attention in PE and Art.

Love,
Breakup Girl

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