< PREVIOUS LETTER   ||   NEXT LETTER >
 

Dear Breakup Girl,

I'm a single, 24-year-old father of two beautiful children. My ex-wife and I were divorced just over six months ago. Although it's been almost 10 months since we split up, the breakup was a total shock to me. We met in high school, and she was the first real relationship I had. I never thought that we would be apart, but she met someone else and decided that I wasn't "the one." Too bad she didn't do that about seven years ago.

Oh well, anyway, since the divorce I've found that when I'm not spending time with my children, I love to work out and go out and enjoy the nightlife (clubs, parties,etc.). We have joint custody of our children so I take care of them every other week. The week I have them I usually go out one night, at the most two nights. The week I don't have them I go out four or five nights. I have a few female friends, and I generally have little problem socializing with women, especially once the ice is broken; but I wanted to give myself time to get over my ex-wife.

My problem is that about three and a halfs months ago I saw the woman of my dreams. I know it sounds like a cliche, but I'm in total awe. At first, I didn't give myself a chance, until I realized that she started to do subtle things to get my attention when I was out. Now I don't know what to do. Conventional wisdom would be to go up and talk to her, but I'm petrified of failure. All of my friends say it's obvious that there's some interest on her part, and to just go up and talk to her. But I didn't think I would feel so strongly toward the first woman I'd be interested in after my divorce. I guess, I was hoping to get a little more experience before I approached someone I am so attracted to.

My question is: are there any other suggestions you could give me besides the direct approach of going up to her and just starting a conversation? My friends say that would be easiest, and they don't see what the big deal is, but I just feel so connected to this woman and I don't want to screw up my opportunity (if I haven't already). Please help!

-- Sam

Dear Sam,

I'm so glad you've found a juicy crush for yourself -- advice-seekers are as apt to bemoan supply as they are demand -- but it's time to stop working your mind and start working your mack. "Interested"(not to mention "connected to") are strong words for someone you've never spoken to, after all; for all you know, she could turn out to be...not that interesting. The longer you stew about dreamgirl, the bigger a deal your first words become, and the more investment you have to lose. And, of course, the more "petrified of failure" you become.

So keep in mind that there's a reason why "wisdom" becomes "conventional." Sending over a drink or some other classy 40s-movie move is about as unconventional as I'd recommend you get. Otherwise, no stunts. If you two are that connected, she'll feel it without the fanfare. And if, God forbid, you're not, conventional wisdom says there will -- no, really -- be another.

Love,
Breakup Girl

NEXT LETTER:
"Everyone thinks we're going out...should we?"