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SHOUTOUTS

To Karen from Susan:

Your letter sounded like a blast from my past of about ten years ago. I quit dating about then because of similar occurrences. I came to the realization that any guy who could/would not accept my past could/would not truly love me in the present -- no matter what he said. No matter how much he liked my dogs, or scuba, hunting, carpentry, gardening, cooking, eating, working out, traveling, or all those other things I do with my non-career time!

Why? The wonderwoman I am today is a result of everything that happened to me (or that I did to me) in the past.

Somewhere, there is a One who does all you like to do and will accept your past -- no secrets. I know. I found mine eight years ago, and he is better than I anyone I could have dreamed up!

Be you. You cannot be anyone else. He wants you without what's really you -- that's not a full relationship. Don't accept halfway relationships because you are not a half person!

To Mommy Warbucks from Molly S.:

I live with my son's dad, but he's more housemate than boyfriend -- basically, we love each other but we're just not going there right now. I am a computer programmer too, and I make lots more money than he does; in fact, he stays home with our son during the day. I guess it's a lot easier for him to accept it than it sounds like it is for your man, since he knows he's helping by taking care of the little guy. But it's not like he'd be making bank even if he had a job.

So far this is working out really well. We might get some eyebrows raised behind our backs but I feel proud of myself, for finishing school so I could get this cushy job; and of him, for loving his son and stepping up to take care of him.

Supporting a family on my income is kind of a trip for me, I never really saw myself here, and sometimes I feel like a 50s pipe-and-cardigan dad. But it's also exhilarating, and lots of times I get dinner cooked for me, floors swept, and laundry done. It works out for us because in a lot of ways we're pretty far outside societal norms anyway; so this role reversal is a natural result of applying our own particular talents. I'm not trying to say one thing or another about your situation, I just thought you might like to know that there's someone else out there, and it can work.

To Deborah from Carol:

When logic fails, some people try to win their way by hurling the word "bitch," or comments like, "You're fat/scrawny/old/ugly."

I've taught my kids (girls and boys) that when someone calls a girl or woman a bitch, it's usually because she's intelligent and stands up for what she believes. Bitches are very different from jerks, which come in both genders.

BG Responds: So do "bitches," but that's a lexical/sexual/political debate for another day.