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Dear Breakup Girl,

My boyfriend of four months is a wonderful guy whom I'd been friends with for a long time and I love him very much. He's smart, kind, funny, and romantic. We also have a lot of common interests and values. We're both still in college right now but talk of the future, and hinting at marriage has occurred several times. I'm too young to make such a commitment, but I see the potential for us to get married in the future.

There is one thing, though, that has been bothering me more and more. My boyfriend has some really good guy friends but he seems to have always had more girl friends. With some of our common friends (all female), he has even joked about being one of the girls. I always just figured he said that so that he wouldn't feel left out (being the only guy), but several times he's mentioned that he wished he could try out being a girl for a week and he seems really interested in girls' things. He even tried on one of my dresses recently and said he felt sexy in it. I don't know if I'm overreacting, but that really freaked me out.

I've thought about the fact that he might just be curious because he doesn't have a sister and his mother is kinda "tomboyish," so he didn't grow up surrounded by makeup, dresses and lingerie. I'm just concerned because I've seen stories about men who, despite the fact that they've gotten married and started a family, have turned out to be gay or have decided to have a sex change. I know that my boyfriend would never intentionally hurt me, but, if something did turn out to be up, then he wouldn't have any choice but to be true to himself.

I know this might sound crazy, but I'm scared to fall in love with someone who might later discover something that maybe even he didn't know. What should I do?

-- Trina

Dear Trina,

A woman wears her boyfriend's hockey jersey or blazer, and she's comfy, adorable, legit. A guy eyes his girlfriend's sarong, and there's a letter to BG. No freaking fair!

I'm just saying. Not taking you to task, Trina. In fact, as our own Belleruth believes, "His deal seems to go beyond the 'gee, aren't girls fun' level. He might be a heterosexual guy who likes to put on girlie things (there are a substantial group of them). Some women are okay with it, some are repelled. If that's so, you need to figure out if it's okay with you. Or...he might be on his way to a sex change. But this alone does not mean that.

I would recommend that you do some sort-term couples counseling where you can look at what this means to you as a couple ... with someone who's got some unbiased sophistication about these cross-gender issues -- like, again, someone who'll want to know what it means to you, not tell you what it means to them."

And no matter how you decide this one fits, remember that you've got tons of company.

Love,
Belleruth and Breakup Girl

P.S. You might also want to check out this board.

 
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